Academy Of Love

As I stand here on the balcony of my resort suite, overlooking a beautiful blue ocean, a slight breeze is in the air enough to take the wretched heat away. I look down at myself in disbelief that I am once again wearing a wedding dress. With my wedding less than an hour from now, my life replaying the last 3 years in my head. I never thought I would find love again. Let alone get married. I didn’t expect it to find me when I wasn't looking for it. I was determined to have a new life and focused on returning to reality as a new person.

I lie down on the 2-person lounge chair in my beautiful white wedding gown. I watch as it blows in the breeze. At my first wedding, I had a long flow strapless chiffon dress, with a sweetheart neck, baby doll style, and some simple beadwork under the bust. This time I wanted something different, but now that I lay here, soaking up the sun, I realize this dress is not so different, it is long enough to hit the floor, and it still flows in the wind, but this time I went with eyelet lace, shoulder straps, a round low cut neckline, and the same sort of baby doll style. It reminds me of a free spirit, I got my hair done in what I would call a hippie style, it’s all up and braided and the braids are all twisted into a bun. I put hair chalk in one strand to represent something blue; I am wearing a subtle floral headpiece with Japanese cherry blossoms. As I relax, I can’t help but let my mind wander back to when it all began 3 years ago.

I could not tell if I was coming or going most days, I had moved back in with my parents and had completely given up on life. This wasn't the way my story was supposed to happen. I had a plan, goals, dreams, and a future, but life sometimes goes differently. Sometimes life throws you a giant curveball, just to see how much you and your heart can handle and in my case, it almost broke. I was 25 wild and free. Only at this specific time, I had no idea what to do with my life. I couldn't continue working at the resort or stay in Orangeville. I had lost my entire reason for existing. As I mentioned, I moved back in with my parents in good old Port Colborne, a small town where everyone knows everyone and knows each other's business. So, when I tried to go out or try something new, there was always someone who would give me a look of pity or a whisper about what happened. Then one day out of nowhere I woke up determined to start over, to find a new calling. So, I made a list of all the things that made me happy:

Creating- I'll become an artist and sell my work, but I just couldn't create from a positive place. Everything ended up having scribbles on it because I would get upset or frustrated.

Food or baking- I love to cook bake and design cakes. At first, this was going great. A few friends ordered some stuff but then I started being too hard on myself and realized I am only one person, and this is more of a hobby.

Then it was the same thing with photography, jewelry making, and home décor, so I decided I needed the social interaction of strangers, people who didn't know my story, and who I could start over with, so I joined a dance class outside town. At first, I enjoyed how easy it was to get lost in the music and routines. Then as time went on, I realized I was kind of good. I've found my new passion, my new adventure in life. The next thing I knew I was applying to dance Academies anywhere I could. I wanted to dance or to help athletes and/or professional dancers, finally after what felt like forever. I checked the mailbox and there was an acceptance letter from the Toronto School of Dance.

knock knock knock I'm brought back from my daydream.

“Molly, are you in there? Can I come in?”

Aw, it’s my previous Mother-in-law, I can tell by the voice.

“Yes, I am here, out on the balcony.” As I stand up from the lounge chair, Denise enters my room. The deadbolt is on my door, propping it open since my family has been in and out all morning. I come in from the balcony, in the doorway I look at Denise who is in a stunning purple dress just like she wore at my first wedding.

“Oh, Molly you look beautiful just as you did when you married Jeremy, honey, he will be looking down on you today beaming knowing you are happy again.” With tears in my eyes, I give Denise a huge hug, “Thank you for coming it means so much to have you here.”

“I have something for you I know you have shoes, but I couldn't resist, and it brought back so many memories.” Denise hands me a box, I open the box to a pair of blue flip-flop birks just like the ones I wore on my wedding day with Jeremy. I slip the flip flops on and the butterflies hit my stomach at that very moment, I realize how real this is, and how lucky I am to be able to do this a second time in my life.

“I know it sounds weird, but I feel ready like I've been given Jeremy's shoes to walk in down the aisle.”

We exchanged one more hug and I walked her to the door, as I pulled the door open my dad was on the other side. Dad and Denise exchange hellos. Dad turns back to look at me with a huge smile.

“Hey, kiddo, ready?”

“I am now.” I lift my dress to show my dad the flip-flops he chuckles “Some things never change eh kid? You don't need me to hold you up today.” He doesn’t have to explain, I know what he means. We leave my room and head down to the beach.

It is the first day of school, I am so nervous. I moved into the dorms on the weekend. I feel like such a kid again, luckily, I am not the oldest person here, I have seen other students who look to be in and around my age. I guess you’re never too old to go back to school. No matter my age I still like to be organized, I just spent all morning trying to figure out where my classes are on the school map. How to get from one class to the next. I didn’t even eat breakfast, which wasn’t good because I didn’t know if I change at school for dance or if I must come back to the dorm and change. I walk out of the dorm and the street is a typical Toronto street hustle and bustle everywhere you look. Now if I can only find the bus to the school I would be set, wait do I need to take a bus, or can I walk? Geese, I really should have figured this out before the first day.

Most of the kids from the dorm are walking so I decide to follow them. As we get closer to the school, I can hear music blaring. I follow the sound and other students into the courtyard. I can see all kinds of students dancing, someone brought a truck into the yard with huge speakers in the back, you can tell by watching all the students which ones are in what program, just like in the movies there are clicks here. We have the hip-hoppers, the ballerinas, the contemporary and modern dancers, and the jocks, and within each genre of dance, there are even clicks. Yippee, I can’t wait to try and fit in especially since I am over the drama that comes along with schools.

However, if this school is like this where they throw random dance parties before class, I am going to like it here. Oh, great here comes security I guess I thought too soon. Yup sure enough security just broke up the party. At least I got to see what the lunch period will look like. But before I get to lunch, I must find my first class. I look around to see if the buildings are marked, perfect they are, that will make things a little easier I need building E. Of course across the courtyard, as I walk across I take it all in, the beautiful green grass, the big trees for some shade, interlocking stones as a pathway, which looks like it would be a great path to walk down when I need a break from school life.

Oooh a gazebo, that also looks like a cool place to hang out between classes. I walk into building E, down the hallway until I see the stairwell, my first class is on the third floor, so I walk up the stairs, enter the hallway, and find my barring with the help of the marked hallway signs, I follow the signs down the hallway around a few corners, which say I’m heading in the right direction. Finally, I found my classroom. The nice thing is all my classes are in this hallway this morning. Entering the classroom, the age-old dilemma, where to sit? Scanning the room to see where the best spot for me would be, not the front row in case I fall asleep and not dead center again in case I fall asleep. Let’s play it safe with the middle row but off to the side.

I choose the same spot in all my classes and don’t talk to anyone, feeling a bit weird like I’ve already lived this life once and now I’m reliving it.

Oh great now it’s time for lunch in a cafeteria and if this morning was any indication as to what I will be walking into I’m not even sure I want to eat lunch. I walk into the cafeteria and I feel like everyone is staring at me, they are probably not even looking at me but I feel like I stand out like a sore thumb. I scan the cafeteria to see where to sit, we have the jocks, I guess this school has sports teams, or at least basketball and football because I see them sitting at a table. Then the dancers and just like outside this morning, they are broken up into genres and then into clicks, the talented dancers, then everyone else.

Where the heck do I sit? With the genre, I am dancing, somewhere in-between, but not with the popular talented dancers. Even though I will probably see most of these people in my dance class right after lunch, I decide to not put myself through the stress and drama of who or where to sit, instead I head out into the courtyard, find the huge oak tree, and sit at the base of the trunk. I start eating and listening to the different sounds of campus life. As I listen, I randomly look up at the different people around the courtyard, some of these people are very beautiful to look at. The bell rings, time to dance. I follow the crowd to the changing rooms, I guess it’s a good thing I brought my clothes with me.

During class there were a lot of basic moves today, they told us they wanted to see what our abilities are and what level we are currently at, where we need the most improvement. You know that’s not terrifying to hear on the first day.

The week continues in the same way. I go to class, keep to myself, wander the halls, eat in the courtyard under a big oak tree, and go to dance class all afternoon. I am starting to recognize faces from my classes, no idea what their names are, but we acknowledge each other in the hallways which is nice. After a week of solidarity, I needed to get out and meet some people who lived in the city or this was a waste of time. I know an old friend who was living here. I wonder if she still lives in Toronto and if her number is the same. I am going to try calling to see what happens.

“Hello?”

“Uh, hi, is Lacey there?”

“Yeah, this is, who is this?”

“Hey, it’s Molly, uuh it’s been a few years, but I’m living in Toronto now and was just wondering if you’re still in the city if ya want to catch up?”

“OH MY GOSH, MOLLY, it’s been so long, heck yeah I still live in the city, what are you doing tonight want to grab some drinks and you can tell me what the hell you’ve been doing and why you’re living in the T-Dot now?”

“Sounds perfect, you pick the place because I know nowhere.”

I laugh at myself and feel excited to see an old familiar face. We decided to go to a bar not far from the dorms. I couldn’t tell you where exactly I was going, so I plugged the Bedford Academy into my phone and followed the directions. I wait outside for Lacey, it looks like a pretty cool place well outside anyway, it’s a stone building with a rounded corner like an atrium. The patio is fenced in with a black rod fence. There is a vine growing up the one wall of the building. While I’m waiting for Lacey, I’m kind of nervous. I haven’t seen her since my wedding shower with Jeremy. I'm sure someone told her what happened, but I need to be prepared to explain what happened. I looked around at all the people here, I didn’t notice them a minute ago, I was too busy admiring the building. I think the entire campus is here. I hear my name being called from behind me, I turn around and it's Lacey. Oh man, I am so happy to see her. We exchanged the biggest hug.

“I’ve missed you; I can’t wait to hear what the hell you’re doing here, I’m not complaining but I am surprised. Let’s go in and get a drink,” she grabs my hand and pulls me through the crowd, it’s as if no time has passed and we are back home at the jammer on a Friday night. Lacey pulls us right up to the bar; I will be surprised if we even get served there are so many people.

“What do you want? First round's on me.”

“Coors Light, thanks.”

I turn around to look at the crowd of people while we wait, I can barely hear anything other than the music and the people. Next thing this guy comes up to the bar and bumps right into me, how rude. He looks at me and smiles, I smile back because I’m not rude, but then turn my back to him. Lacey is practically standing on the bar; we finally get served and head outside to the patio where it isn’t so loud so we can try to catch up.

“So, tell me why you’re here, girl?”

“Well I am enrolled at the Toronto School of Dance, so I moved into the dorms. What have you been doing for the last few years?”

“I’m working as a journalist for the Toronto Star. It’s alright, a starting point so I can one day travel the world, right? So, the dance school eh? What happened to your life in Orangeville? Shit sorry, my Mom told me, Molly. Why didn’t you call me?”

“And say what? My husband died and I’m not sure if I’m going to make it through this. It’s not something you just call and say. But since you asked, mine as well get it outta the way because I don’t want this to be all about the poor 25-year-old widow.”

“Well, all I am saying is I’m here for you now whenever or whatever you need babe I’m here, always have been, and always will be.”

“Thanks, so let me give you the quick version and the blunt version, after what happened I couldn’t stay in Orangeville, I couldn’t go to work and face the same people with the same stupid looks of pity so I moved home, tried to carry on, it sucked, people in Port suck, I started dancing, it helped me feel better, turns out I’m pretty good, I applied, got accepted, moved into the dorm last weekend and people still suck. Now I’m here hoping to start over with a new career and maybe make a few friends.”

“Well yeah, that was short and sweet, cheers to a new beginning with old friends!” We clink our bottles together and slam back the beers, I head back inside to get another round, this time I wonder if they will let me buy 4 so we don’t have to go back up to the bar so soon. I make my way to the bar, squeeze into a spot, and rub up against a guy, he looks at me and smiles, he looks familiar, probably from school. I smile back and lean up on the bar, as the bartender hands drinks to someone I yell over the guy next to me.

“Hey, barkeep, can I order 4 and make it 5 Coors?” The bartender gives me a nod and the next thing I know he’s popping the caps off all five, I pay give him a good tip, and place a beer in front of the buddy next to me as his jaw drops, I smile again, say nothing, grab our 4 beers and walk away. Man, that felt good, I forgot what it is like to be out at a bar, I walked back to Lacey outside on the patio with a big smile on my face. She smiles back. I hand her her beer, cheer her, and drink.

“Do people dance here, you know like back in the Jammer days? I am in the mood to party!” Lacey laughs at me and grabs my hand, we head back inside but into a separate room from where the bar was, there’s a band playing, and we start dancing just like old times. The night continues this way, but after my fourth beer I need to use the bathroom, Lacey points to where it is, and I make my way over. Of course, a lineup. Ever noticed at any bar there's always a lineup for the girls’ bathroom, with the guys though they never need to wait in line. While I wait in line, I love to watch the people. It is always the same in bars everyone has bad intentions and even though we all know that we all fall into the traps. It is hilarious.

“We meet again.” I hear a guy say, I turn around to see if the guy is talking to me or someone else, and of course, the guy from the bar that I gave a beer to. Say something, Molly, don't just stare at him. I clear my throat “So, we do, yet here I am stuck in the proverbial bathroom line when you're free to roam around.” Wait, what did I just say? Why did I just open my mouth? Wait, why do I even care? Who is this guy? What does it matter to me? I’m brought out of my thoughts by the sound of his voice again. “You know you could always go in the guys' bathroom I'm sure no one would care, and you wouldn't be stuck in this line forever.”

“I thought about it, but boys tend to have a bad aim when they drink and I'm not all for having to clean a toilet before using a toilet.” OK, why am I still talking to him seriously? I have to pee so badly and why is he talking to me when I'm in line for the bathroom?

“No, it’s not terrible in there tonight, I'll have your back if you seriously want to use it.” He says and I can’t tell if he is serious or not but screw it, I don't want to wait in this girl’s line anymore. I'm going to go to the guys' bathroom.

“Yes I'm going in, cover me,” I answer, Well hopefully this guy is for real because I'm going into the guy's bathroom, where do I look? The ground? Whatever, I'll just go in and go right to the stalls. Who cares? Buddy opens the door and shouts a girl coming in, he waits outside my stall, good thing I only have to pee. He walks me out and is looking at me like he wants to keep talking to me, but um no, you just listened to me pee so I’m out.

“Thanks, eh, well I should go find my friend,” I say before leaving. I think I might be running, why do I feel like this, forget about it, I want to have a good time. It was just a weird encounter besides I love this song. I find Lacey on the dance floor not caring she’s out there alone, just giving to the music in her way.

When I reach her she asks, “Where have you been?” Lacey's looking at me like I was missing for days.

“I went to the bathroom. The line was so long, so I went into the men's bathroom and there was this guy.” I feel like my cheeks are turning red at the mention of him but who the heck is this guy? Lacey’s face lights up instantly.

“What guy? Who? will show me? Is he cute? Why is your face turning red? What happened? Spill it?” My face feels like it’s on fire from embarrassment, no, from blushing, am I blushing because of this random stranger?

“Holy 20 questions. It’s just some random guy I ran into twice tonight, nameless, nothing happened, he stood guard of the bathroom stall. I said thanks and came back here. Just leave it alone, but casually look behind you at the tall blonde on the left,” I gaze at him from where we’re no longer dancing on the dance floor. Yep, he is cute, really cute, crap, Lacey!

“I said casually,” I said through a smile. Lacey turns around to look at me.

“Ahh, he is CUTE! You should go shake your ass at him.” She says laughing.

“Seriously, Lace, forget it, I’m not here to pick up a guy, I just want to have fun, let’s get another drink - come on.” I hope this guy does not come over here, Lacey will make it awkward. We approach the bar and I feel like I'm on high alert. But thank god he doesn’t come over to see me again. My awkwardness made a lasting impression. Lacey and I stay for a few more beers until we call it a night.