Embrace the Dark

Lilian, Age 8:

Gloomy…that was how I would describe the orphanage. For the three years I was there, lots of kids had come and gone before me.

Ms. Margaret said that I was special, that I was still waiting for special parents to arrive.

I was five years old when my father left me on the porch of the orphanage. His last words were that he was going to buy some bread. He told me to stay there so that I could rest my feet. He left me with my favorite teddy and backpack. He hugged me and told me to knock on the door when I got tired, and he would return soon.

Well, he never did return, and I had been at the orphanage because I was abandoned by my father. My mother died and he couldn't take care of me since apparently, I could see the dead.

"Dear Lilian, according to the letter, your father has left you with us. He believed that he couldn't give you the best care without your mom who recently passed away from an illness."

Ms. Margaret took me in that day. She fed me and put me to sleep in a warm bed, explaining to me that she would take care of me like she takes care of the other children there.

He left me behind.

I finally cried myself to sleep that night.

"On one special day, Lilian, you and other children in this orphanage will be adopted by a special family. And you will have a new mother and father, and you will live happily ever after."

That was three years ago. I guess my special day hasn't arrived.

It was Sunday morning when Ms. Margaret and her colleagues gathered us in the main hall for potential parents to visit. There were two sets of parents that I could see. I stayed in the background to bite back my disappointment when I wasn’t picked.

There were another two prospective parents behind me. I could smell her perfume. It smelled nice. She smelled like summer flowers. They were sorry for being late. She touched my shoulder and gently excused herself to join Ms. Margaret and the rest of the group.

I was at my usual nook by the window drawing my life away, when suddenly one of the girls fell and slipped in front of me. She was embarrassed and accused me of making her fall.

I knew her. She had it in for me. So, I just shrugged, and ignored her. But that made her even more upset, and she pulled my hair, making me fall from my nook. I was crying but I didn't fight back. I never fought back. Not since my father abandoned me. I had nothing to fight back for.

I was never close with the other children. Maybe because I would wake up at night, screaming from nightmares. Sometimes I would stare at a wall for the longest time.

I sleepwalked at night. I would get up and leave the room, and just stand in front of the wall for hours. I would pound my head against the cupboard while sleeping, making other kids wake up screaming. It wasn’t until later that I was put in my own room away from other children just to keep the peace. That room was situated at the end of the hall.

One of the parents came to me and separated us. A woman cradled me and took me into her embrace, making me inhale her scent. The summer flowers. I took in her comfort for however long it might be until she went away.

Another hour passed, and Ms. Margaret approached me. She told me that she would like to speak to me.

"Did I do something wrong, Ms. Margaret?" My hands started fiddling with my pencil.

"No honey, you're perfect as always." She sighed, her eyes were a bit teary, making me reach out to her and hold her hand.

"I'm so sorry, Ms. Margaret, please don't cry. I won't let you down again…" I started talking.

"Oh, Lilian…I'm so sorry. It's me. Look honey…come here…This nice couple here would like to adopt you, Lilian. I already told them about your condition, and they still insisted that they wanted you to be part of their family. This is it Lilian…this is your special day. These are your new parents." Her words hung in the air.

Then suddenly the woman came to me and took my hand in hers. "I've always wanted a beautiful strong little girl. We've been searching for the perfect one. And then we saw you…" Her husband was kneeling beside her and took my other hand.

"Lilian sweetie, will you let us adopt you, and be our daughter?"

I just smiled and nodded.

***

In the car, they told me about themselves. Her name was Janet, his name was David, and they had a son named Anthony who was eight years older than me. David told me that he was in the financial business, and Janet was a stay-at-home mom.

They told me that Ms. Margaret already informed them about my ability, and they said that they would try to help me as best as they could.

Janet had a sister with the same ability, and that was why they were confident about taking me in. It was almost seven when we arrived, and I clutched my teddy tighter.

Their house was huge. My jaw dropped. Janet just laughed at my expression. "Oh Lilian, I know it's a bit too much, right? I told David that when he showed me the house." Then she hugged me, as David opened the door, calling out for Anthony.

The boy came down the stairs. He was tall and lean. I had never seen older boys before. I just know them from watching TV, but he was more handsome.

My first impression was that he was not pleased to see me. He just shook my hand and nodded. I didn't think he wanted to disrespect his parents.

We had dinner together, and then Janet showed me to my room. It was beautiful with all the pink an eight-year-old could need in their life.

It was still dark when I suddenly had the urge to pee. As pink as my room was, I knew that they could still sense me. That they would come for me, I stood up from the bed, grabbed my teddy, and was about to start walking to the bathroom, when a hand holds me from under the bed.

I screamed, and not a minute later Anthony burst through my door, his wild eyes were searching for the cause of my scream. He instinctively pulled me into his chest, then caressing my hair trying to calm me down.

Then he pushed me away abruptly, hearing his parents coming down from the hallway. The lights were immediately switched on, Janet and David embrace me right away. And Anthony slowly retreated to his room. Our eyes met for the first time, then he walked away.

The next morning at breakfast Janet and David told me to try and call them mom and dad, just like Anthony. I just nod, but it was hard for me to do so. Feeling that my previous parents had died and abandoned me and having another would give me the feeling that they might do that one day too.

"I'll try Janet, maybe one day. I just feel that you and David might one day leave me too. So, if I don't call you that, you might just stay longer with me?" I pleaded to them, and they just hugged me, knowing that I was just trying to protect my feelings.

I met Janet's sister Annie that afternoon. "Hey Lilian, I'm Annie, you can call me Ann. Janet told me that you can see things just like me?" Then she saw the marks left on my calf from last night, where the thing grabbed my leg from under the bed.

"Oh, poor Lilian, I understand it's your first night?" She started talking to me, sitting next to me on the sofa, by the window.

"…some beings are intrigued by our ability. They can sense that we can see them, and they want us to acknowledge that. Although we sometimes don't want to, because of their hideous features." She hugged me, then saw my drawings on my lap.

"These are really good for your age Lilian. It is good that you have an outlet for your dark experience." She told me in confidence.

"Look, Janet invited me to stay here, to accompany you for your few first nights. Is that okay with you? Would you like my company?" she asked me, rubbing my arms while still hugging me. 

I've never been loved this much before.

I thought to myself.

It was late night when I suddenly was awoken by the screeching sound, it was coming from inside the closet door. It sounded like something was trying to get out.

I didn't want to open my eyes, knowing that I would see the thing that was causing the noise. But the thing wouldn't stop, and I finally gave up. I couldn't go to sleep anyway with that screeching sound. So, I woke up and opened my eyes.

I saw it by the crack of the closet door, the teeth, the eyes. I screamed and Anthony was in the doorway, but Ann beat him to me as she hugs me and told Anthony to get back to his room and go back to sleep.

She embraced me, told me to close my eyes, and say a prayer, to wish all the spirits away. I did, as I was told. She also saw it, then she gently closes the closet door.

"It's okay Lilian, she's gone now. Just remember that you are stronger than all of them. Did you know that it will drain their energy, just to pop into your face? That's why when they do scare you, they would feed off your energy for being scared. But if you're brave, they would go away in no time." She was calming me down, talking, and soothing me.

"…They might spook you but that's about it. Just ignore them, they would usually go away. I would usually see them, acknowledge them telling them that I know that they existed, then they would usually go away." She holds me in my bed while telling her stories until I fall asleep.

She stayed with us for a whole week, until she said that she has to go out of the country for a while. But would come and visit me again as soonest she gets back. By this time, I had already opened up to her and the rest of the family, excluding Anthony. He still remains distant, but he never really bothered me.

One day Ann told me that Anthony had lost his little sister when she was around eight years old and that I reminded him of her. Janet and David had been searching for the perfect daughter for years until they fall in love with me, watching my little brave self at the orphanage that Sunday, Ann had said.

Janet and David were arranging, all my paperwork for school. They were still considering me to be homeschooled but decided to put me in a private school first, if it didn't work out then I would be homeschooled. I agreed with them, smiling.

Anthony had gone to a boarding school last week, David had administered him to his Alma mater, and was very proud when Anthony got accepted. He would come back twice maybe once a month, they said.

It had been one month when Ms. Margaret came to visit me, and she was really happy to see me. She said that I was chattier, and I laughed at her. Then she hugged me tight and shed a happy tear for me.

The school was great, I made friends quite fast, everybody was friendly there. Maybe because I was more open to them since Ann had helped me a lot on how to cope with my ability. I would still see them, even at school but now I could handle myself better.

My life was going so great, I've friends and family, Janet, David whom I still couldn't call mom and dad. Then there was Ann my trusty ally, and even Anthony my stepbrother, though I didn't see him that much anymore, since he was in boarding school.

I was hoping for a happy ever after, deep down inside I really did. Maybe if I wish hard enough, it will come true. I started kneeling by the foot of the bed and pray. For the first time in eight years of my life, I prayed for my new family.