Falling Heart

Zairi

Near the border of Miyuri Forests.

"I can't marry you." He shook his head as if to not even let such a notion enter his head "I don't want to marry you." He looked at me then straight in the eyes, stressing his un-want towards me.

I always used to wish those twinkling stars that I'll do anything if only they'll have him look at me once. And now that my wish is coming true, I didn't know, if to thank those stars or curse them.

Without knowing that his words were burning me alive unseen, he continued "There's only one girl for me and I already have her. I don't need you or anyone else for that matter. I am sure you are a nice girl or else Granna wouldn't have chosen you for me. " He stopped again staring away from me. Yes, I am a nice girl but not enough for you to even look at me.

I tried hard to remain blankly faced, not revealing any emotion, afraid he'll too easily sense the volcanic eruption of sorrow scalding me inside. Not even once I looked away from him. Who knows when I'll ever be lucky enough to lay my eyes on him without any restriction again?

"Just tell Granna no. Refuse the offer. It isn't for you." It was no request this time. Just an order which was to be fulfilled at every cost. His eyes forced his will on me. He has already decided.

I am not to be a part of his life.

I am not the one he wants.

And just like that, he was done dealing with me. His business finished. Not even waiting for my reaction he strode away elegantly, authoritatively, never once looking back. Capturing every living being's attention and leaving one dying. I saw him until I could. Until he was just a blur. Until he disappeared. It was like his presence alone was giving me the strength to stand. I fell to my knees and kept on staring in the far distance in hopes that maybe he'll come back if only to drag me away from his land.

And I kept on gazing in the far forests lost in the track of time.

When I came out of my stupor, I realized night had already fallen.

It's already this late.

I got up on my unsteady legs. Too stiff for sitting so long. A buzzing sensation passed in them and I was finally able to stand properly. I looked around to bring back my senses. And the events of the day rushed back with clarity.

Yes, I was called in Their Land. I was supposed to meet him. Oh, how handsome he looked today.! How grateful I was to be graced with his presence, for the first time to ever see him this close, for him to acknowledge my presence.

For ending this farce of my "out of place" imagination of getting married to him.

I must go home.

Prepare the dinner. Ma must be really hungry. I promised her I'll bake her those cookies she's so fond of. The flour ..do we have it or should I have bought it when I had the chance last time.?

Ma.

My eyes widened in horror.

She must be worrying about me. It's already this late.

I ran with frenzy holding my skirt up to my knees. Oh, holy mother how can I just forget about her?

That's why they have a right to throw those rocks at you. I berated myself.

I saw the lights turned on in the living room.

I hurried and reached the door. Before even knocking, the door was flung open and Ma engulfed me in a big hug.

"Zairiya. Where were you...? You are all right aren't you...?" Her familiar essence washed over me and I calmed down. Her warmth instantly warming my cold heart.

"Ma. I am sorry...I lost track of time.." She let go of me and framed my face with her fair hands.

"You are really alright..?"

"Yes, Ma. I am perfectly fine." I replied weakly.

I stared at those familiar hazel eyes, straight nose, and full cherry red lips. She kissed my head and ushered me inside, closing and locking the door behind her.

"Zairi why were you in their territory..?"

I spun around fast and stared at my Ma whose concern was etched on her forehead in the form of those wrinkles.

She always knew everything.

I smiled despite myself and hugged her again. I stayed quiet and let her hold me.

"What's wrong, my child..?"

"He doesn't want to marry me "

No question, no sympathy just her love which poured over me in waves. That's my Ma.

We stood like that for some time. Ma finally decided to stop this charade. Just like that, the topic was changed.

"Okay since you weren't here, I took it upon myself to cook something delicious for the both of us."

She sure knew how to take my mind off things. I pulled away and stared wide-eyed at her in horror. Ma didn't know how to cook even though she claimed to love cooking. So she experimented with things at home.

Making me taste burned, salty, horrendous tasting food every time she succeeded in cooking the food, without blasting the kitchen, that is.

"You are kidding right.?" I asked but seeing her twinkled eyes I already knew the answer.

"Nope, my child." She smiled revealing her dimpled cheeks.

"You used magic didn't you..?" I tried keeping nervousness out of my face.

"Who do you think I am Zairiya Deno Slavisna..? Me the great mage and witch of the North, A reputed and highly in demand sorceress would resort to magic to cook food for my own precious, sweet, beautiful baby ." She said in mock outrage.

I shook my head and prepared myself.

"Ma I am already full.I'll pass the dinner tonight." I pleaded again but as it always is, Ma grabbed my hand and we headed to the dining table which was full of various dishes.

Oh, Holy mother no..Please...

"Sit here Zairi..Let me pour you this curry I made today. You know it has those soothing herbs in it. You'll relax instantly, child. And this one here will make you happy in a few dimes...And that rice with red sauce will help you sleep with sweet dreams. I searched that one myself without any help from Sekera."

I smiled at her enthusiasm and let her feed me everything she wanted.

What can I say?

I love my Ma. She's the only person in this world for me, my world.

Another few hours followed with eating and vomiting. Although Ma repeatedly asked for forgiveness. I wasn't easy this time. Let that give her a lesson to never cook again and making me eat it. Although I ate it willingly that's because she's my Ma. Of course, I'll eat it.

Its high time she accepted that SHE CAN'T COOK. I shut her out of my room after asking Sekra for some herbal potion to let me sleep peacefully.

It was time to finally shut my eyes. Just before that, a departing figure flashed before my eyes.

It was then the realization finally dawned.

He can't ever be mine even although he has already made me his.

Zairi

A month later...

"Do you Zairiya Deno Slavisna take Aeran Rijvant Kranis as your husband before the eyes of The Great Lord.?"

The priest asked in the same monotonous tone. It was not strange for him to see two people getting married. It was a part of his daily routine.

Ma had refused to come. She didn't want to witness the event which gives me nothing but pain and ruin my life. When I insisted and pleaded with her, she said it clearly.

"I won't let this marriage happen before my eyes Zairi. If you have already decided to marry him then go ahead but don't invite me. I won't just stand there and let you destroy yourself.I'll destroy the whole church to stop you. I respect your wishes. I trust you Zairi. But I can't tolerate seeing you hurting like that. So don't make me go there."

I had understood then. Ma was one of the powerful sorceresses of the world. If she wanted she could have used any of her spells to change my mind or those of the people around. She could have threatened them with their lives.

But Ma wasn't that kind of a person. She could never hurt someone willingly and she respected the wishes of Mother Nature.

She always told me that everything that happens has a reason behind it. A bigger picture is not visible by human eyes. Whether we want something to happen or not, whether we like it or not, what has to be will be.

No one can change it and no one is allowed to interfere, such are the rules of Nature. We have to respect them. She respected them but it wasn't necessary that she had to like them as well. That's why she couldn't come because she would have waged a war against Mother Nature itself just to stop me. She didn't know why this was necessary. No one knew. Even though she had protested against this decision of mine she gave in when she saw I won't budge. I was already decided.

Indifferent to the inner turmoil that was raging inside me nor the hostility and anger from the people present in the Church to bless us, the priest continued. He didn't know that I'll only be receiving curses today. He didn't know that I was not the happy bride that was to start a new life with her husband. He didn't know that this wedding held nothing harmonious about it. He didn't know the one person who my world depended on wasn't here with me. He didn't know that the person I will be pledging my whole life to, hated me to death.

He didn't know anything.

"Do you Zariiya Deno Slavisna take Aeran Rijvant Kranis as your husband before the eyes of the Great Lord and the people present here ?" He repeated a little louder.

He didn't know I'll be ending any chance of happiness I could get by uttering the next two words, destroying wishes of not two but many people.

Ma always says that if you are not willing to help someone then you are not allowed to hurt someone as well. So what should I do now Ma, I have to hurt all of them to help this one person on my side.

I closed my eyes tightly. I always knew the answer, it was always there.

I'll go through Hell and back if it meant his happiness.

Opening my eyes, I leveled my gaze to the priest and said the words that'll doom me. " I do."

I heard the gasps of several behind me.

The priest raised his brows at the strange reaction of the well-wishers and turned to my groom, to my Aeran.. no, no .. he'll never be mine now.

"Do you Aeran Rijvant Kranis take Zairiya Deno Slavisna as your wife before the eyes of the Great Lord and the people present here?"

I screamed silently inside my head for some miracle to happen, for someone to stop this. To stop him from uttering his next words which seal his hate for me forever. Please.. don't say it...Please... don't.

"I do," He said clearly.

The pain that assaulted me that moment was so huge, so dark, so overwhelming I was surprised I didn't faint. The single tear from my eye dropped down tinting the crystal white floor with a small red drop.

I wasn't surprised to see the red tear.

I never cried. I was not allowed to. Ma always forbade me to cry.

I remember I had once got injured badly. My whole knee was scraped and blood was oozing out. I knew Ma will heal it with one of her spells quickly but the pain was too much to withhold inside for even another second. I was about to cry when Ma chanted a spell and made me sleep. I never knew why she did that. Wasn't crying an outlet for all the pain you feel. Didn't she want to lessen my pain ..? I remember getting up with my knee all fine. Happily, I had bounced up and down and reached my Ma who was sitting on a chair near the window gazing at the rising sun with swollen eyes and tears down her cheek.

She was crying. When I asked the reason she cried more and mumbled "I am crying for the hurt you got my child. Promise me you won't allow yourself to shed even a single tear however much hurt you are. Just come to me and I'll shed those tears in your stead. Promise me."

Hugging her tightly I swore there and then that I won't cry.

If the tears shed by me would flow out my mother's eyes. Then I won't allow myself to cry ever. She explained to me as I grew up, that fate will bring a change if a single tear of my eye falls on Mother Earth and she was not sure it will be for good.

I continued staring at the red drop.

I am sorry Ma. I broke my promise but the pain this time was too much to handle. It freed itself from the tight shield I held over myself.

"You may kiss the bride now. I congratulate you both. May you have a happy and prosperous life ahead of you."

The priest hadn't even finished talking when Aeran turned and walked out of the Church dismissing me and this marriage. All the other people, Aeran's family including his Pack members marched outright at his foothill several sneering at me and others with anger. I stood there taking in all their hate, never once leaving their gaze. Only one woman stood there alone. She came towards me with a slow gait. I recognized her. It was Aeran's mother.

She stopped right in front of me and searched my face.

Suddenly my eyes weren't on her face but on the flowers on the side. The hot pain on my cheek blazed over. With that, she too walked out.

I stood immobile. Never once had I thought I'll get slapped on my wedding day.

I turned back to see the blood drop still on the ground.

I don't know why I was not surprised or afraid. Before today I would have run to my Ma asking her about why I had a blood tear instead of regular water one? Is that why I wasn't allowed to cry? If I cry more, would more blood come out of my eyes..? Am I infected with something..?

Standing in the empty church, staring at the blood, I searched inside why it didn't matter anymore.

WHY..??