Finding Forgiveness

"Luca?" I asked when my phone call was finally picked up.

I had left the house, and I didn't exactly know what to do next other than wander aimlessly down the forest track in the dark and cold. I knew I didn't want to go back, but I also knew that I didn't want to leave.

So, I did what anyone would do: called my best friend.

"Yeah?" he replied softly.

"Can you come and pick me up? I'm—" I began before becoming suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to cry.

"Yes, of course," he said, not needing a coherent explanation. "I'll be there as soon as possible."

I sat on the floor with my head in my hands until the glowing headlights of his car came into view.

As soon as the car stopped, he got out and then sat beside me on the slightly damp, leaf-littered floor.

"Hey," he said comfortingly.

"Hi," I replied, leaning into him.

"You decided to leave?"

I shrugged and just let him put his arm around me.

"I don't know what to do," I said, wiping my tears.

"I have an idea. How about we get off this wet floor before we start making any important decisions?"

I nodded, and he opened the door to his car. It was warm in there and smelled strangely like waffles. Those two things, combined with Luca and the comfort they brought me, made me decide instantly.

"Your plan," I said as he got in on the driver's side. "The one to just go somewhere far from here and away from him. I want to do it. But not alone."

His lips curled into a smile.

"Was that an invitation Ella Jones?" he asked with a glint in his eye.

I nodded, and he hugged me.

"I fucking love you," he said excitedly. "And this is gonna be fun. I promise."

He then put on his seatbelt and started the engine.

"But the Alpha is going to kill me for it," he muttered.

"He let me go," I replied.

"He...just let you...go?"

It was hard to believe. I'll give him that. Just allowing his mate to go out into the "big, scary" world alone was a very un-Leo thing to do, but even he couldn't have said no in this situation. He killed my brother, for goodness’ sake.

I nodded. "Yeh, just like that. Anyway, where are we going, Captain?"

"Somewhere warm and far away," he replied. "But you'll have to wait and see. It's a surprise."

"Are we going to Mexico?" I asked.

"How the fuck did you guess?" he asked, slapping the steering wheel in frustration as we drove.

"There's a sombrero in the back," I stated. "Why is that necessary?"

"In case we need to fit in," he replied.

"Oh, of course," I remarked. "Why didn't I think of that?"

For the next day, we drove south down the west coast of the country. By late afternoon, we had reached Sacramento and Luca needed gas.

"Why Mexico?" I asked as we drove around looking for a gas station.

"I just need to pick something up and then we can have a fun time wearing sombreros and drinking tequila," he replied casually as he scanned the road ahead of us.

I ignored the last half of his sentence and asked, "To pick what up?"

"Something from these people I know...don't worry about it," he replied quite vaguely before giving me an innocent smile that was clearly hiding something.

"I know that look," I said with a sinking feeling in my stomach.

We had just pulled up at a gas station and Luca turned to me and smiled again, "What look?"

"That smile that says, ‘I'm just an innocent little baby and I've never set a foot wrong in my life.’ I know you're not Luca Romano. How do you know people in Mexico?"

"I come sometimes. Once every month to be precise."

"Why?" I asked.

"Just to bring something over the border," he said. "I said, don't worry about it."

"Are you a drug dealer?!" I whisper shouted.

"Not exactly," he said with a wink before getting out of the car to fill it up.

"Luca!" I exclaimed but he shut the car door.

I instantly got out and looked at him over the roof of the car from the other side of it.

"Are you going to elaborate?!" I asked.

"On what?"

"On the fact that you are a fucking drug dealer!"

"Ella, keep your voice down," he said. "I'll tell you later. Just get back in the car. The whole gas station doesn't need to know."

I sighed and got back in the car as he finished and went to pay.

He better have a good explanation for this.

"So?" I asked when he eventually came back and started the engine. "Why the fuck are you dealing drugs?!"

"I'm not," he stated.

"Don't be blunt with me," I snapped. "Dealing, trafficking, buying, selling, using, or whatever!"

"It is racist to assume that because I go to Mexico, I must be involved with drugs. It is a beautiful country with thousands of lovely people," he replied calmly.

"I'm sure it is but how do you know these lovely people in Mexico?" I asked.

"Oh, I work for them," he replied.

"And what is their line of work?"

"Drug dealing."

"For fuck's sake," I mumbled. "Could you not have just said that to start with? And why the fuck are you involved in drugs?" I asked. "You have a job. Gamma of the Stella pack! You get paid loads!"

"Relax..."

"Relax? I am in a car with a drug dealer, and we are on our way to Mexico to pick up drugs–"

"Ella," he interrupted loudly. "It is part of my job as Gamma. There is a gang of criminals in Mexico. Werewolf drug dealers, if you like, are a threat to the pack. Leo sent me to get friendly with them, find shit out, and report back to him."

"So, you're an undercover agent?" I asked, letting out a deep breath.

"If that makes you feel better about it," he replied. "And I don't deal their drugs. I just bring them over the border like a trafficker. They pay me a lot which of course benefits the pack, and they tell me all sorts of stuff that also benefits the pack."

"How is a gang of drug dealers a threat to the pack?" I asked.

"Leo doesn't want you involved in this. I'm not supposed to tell you," he replied.

"Yet here we are on our way to Mexico."

He groaned.

"Fine. I'm dead meat anyway. Sure, this cartel sells drugs, but their main business is biological warfare. They grow weed, mix it with enough wolfsbane to knock a grown wolf unconscious for days, and sell it to whoever will buy it. Sometimes it's a direct attack. Sometimes they sell it as a weapon for someone else to use. My job is to keep it well away from the pack, in particular, Leo's army, and out of the hands of any of his enemies."

"So, they're using weed laced with wolfsbane as a way of disarming packs?" I asked.

"Leaving them vulnerable to attack so that they can easily take every penny of money from them," Luca replied.

"Oh..."

"These criminals are organized and clever. They plan which pack to take down and when and get me to send the wolfsbane weed to dealer's nearby accordingly," he replied.

"These people sound dangerous," I stated. "What happens if they find out who you really are?"

"One of two things. They either back off because they don't want to get on the wrong side of Alpha Leonardo Loren or...they kill me. Let's hope we never find out."

"Luca," I said.

"Yes."

"This isn't exactly how I imagined grieving my brother was going to be."

"I only have to pick up the stuff, give it to who I need to give it to, and then we can go wherever in the world you want," he said simply.

"Paris!" I exclaimed. "Let's go to Paris!"

"Paris it is," he replied. "And if anyone asks, I'm an Italian rogue living in America and my name is Romano De'Meritchi and you are um...my cousin and your name is... Eleonora De'Meritchi."

"Eleonora De'Meritchi...got it," I repeated just before my phone started ringing. "Leo's calling. Why would he be calling?"

"Are you going to answer it?" Luca asked, looking down at my phone, which showed the picture of Leo and me that I had attached to his contact. Mateo took it on New Year’s Eve last year. Leo had an arm around my shoulder, and I was hugging him tightly. A lot of champagne was drunk that night, but I remember it crystal clear—how happy we were.

"It might be important," I replied, shaking the memory out of my head and swiping across. "Hello?"

"Mommy, where are you?" a little voice said.

"Oh, sweetie. Why do you have Daddy's phone?" I asked my eldest son.

"He said that you've gone away but not where or why," Cato replied, his voice sounding tearful. "I'm going to Paris with Luca, Bambino. There's no need to worry, I'm okay," I replied.

"But why?"

"Do you remember yesterday when I said that when you are a big boy and old enough to understand and I'd tell you everything?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said tearfully. "But I am a big boy. I'm the oldest."

"I know, I know," I replied. "But you're still my little baby. I'll be back before you know it and I'll be sure to bring you and your siblings some nice French candy, okay?"

"Okay," he said instantly sounding happier. "And some smelly cheese."

"Urgh, smelly cheese," I joked. "If you want smelly cheese, go and get some of Daddy's socks out of the dirty laundry."

He giggled in his cute, childlike voice.

"Is Luca with you now?" he asked.

"He sure is," I said. "Say hi, he can hear you."

"Hi Luca!" he squealed.

"Hey, Cato," Luca replied.

"Okay, baby," I said. "My phone's low on battery so I've gotta go but I'll see you soon and I'll call again tomorrow."

"Bye Mommy," he said before hanging up.

"If you wanna go home, we can go straight back after I get the shipment," Luca suggested.

"No. It will be better for him and his siblings in the long run if I have the time I need to get over Connor, forgive Leo, and move on. Cato noticed that something was wrong between us within minutes of getting home and I can't have the fact that their mother can barely look at their father impact their happiness," I replied. "Besides, I've promised them candy from Paris now and he won't forget that. Believe me."

"Okay," he said. "So, the plan is to grieve Connor, forgive Leo, go home, and everything will be okay. What if it isn't? What if you can't forgive him?"

"Can we cross that hurdle if we get to it, please?" I asked.

"Sure."