Flawed hearts

She stepped out of the car with elegance, the cold wind of harmattan hitting her face, making the veil she wore fly around her face. Using her henna covered hands she drew the veil over her head, fussing over how much of a trouble it was wearing a veil during harmattan.

With a sigh, she closed the door and made for the revolving doors of the mall, returning a smile to the security man as he opened the door for her. She was a regular at the Ado Bayero Mall so he was already used to seeing her.

Today was the day of her Nikkah•, she was marrying the man whom she felt she wanted to marry although she didn't love him, she felt safe and comfortable around him. The knots were going to be tied in an hour yet there she was, in a mall.

She snuck out of the house to watch a movie and get a new pair of Archie Comics with no care in the world, she had no idea when she was going to come back to the mall again or if she was ever coming back so she had to visit it one last time.

She first made her way into Shorprite and ambled towards the chocolate section. Throwing piece after piece of chocolates, she went towards her favorite section and just her luck, new stack of the comic books were placed on the shelf. She picked five pieces then waited in line to pay for her stuff.

"Star!" The cashier's eyes widened when she saw her. "What are you doing here? Aren't you getting married today?"

"I had to get these goodies," she grinned placing her stuff on the table. "I can't go without them."

With a shake of her head, the cashier collected her credit card and inserted it into the POS. She was already used to Najmah's antics. She was 22 yet she still hasn't given up on reading the comics.

Smiling, she packed Najmah's stuff into a shopping bag and gave it to her after wishing her a blessed union.

Najmah made her way into the cinema and sat down as she watched Oculus, she was such a sucker for horror movies. Her phone kept vibrating as the Haroun household had finally realized the disappearance of their bride. She ignored their calls and kept munching her popcorn with her eyes glued on the screen.

When the vibrations got unbearable, she huffed then trotted out of the cinema, rummaging through her bag for the offending item.

"Ummita calm down," she tried to pacify her mother as she made her way towards the exit of the mall. "I'll be back right away."

She listened as her mother ranted on the phone knowing that she was in deep shit, but she couldn't just stay at home waiting for the Nikkah to be done; she had other things to do. She finally managed to get the keys out of her bag with her phone still attached to her ear.

"Ummita!" she whined, "I'm coming home right away besides the event isn't till three in the afternoon what's the rush?"

She got into the car as she listened to her mum chide her for her childishness. With a sigh, she revved the car's engine then disconnected the call.

She connected her phone to the aux and scrolled through her music list till she found her favorite song. She sang to the tune of Austin Mahone's lady as she drove towards her parent's home in Janbulo.

After almost an hour ride due to the heavy traffic, Najmah finally arrived at their home. She honked and the gateman quickly opened the door for her. She packed the car then picked up her shopping bag and her pouch then alighted from the car. Drawing the veil over her face, she entered the now busy household through the kitchen door; it was easier to get in without being detected.

She went straight to her room and found an angry Haj. Salmah waiting for her, hands akimbo. She swallowed a lump in her throat then threaded towards her angry mother. She dropped her shopping bag then placed the car keys on her mother's outstretched hand and before she could distance herself from the angry woman, her ear was assaulted.

"Oww! Oww! Oww! Ummita are you trying to cut off my ear?" she screamed, placing her hand on her ear.

"The ear should be removed since you don't listen to a word I say. I don't know what to do with you Najmah. You're getting married today yet you stole my car keys and snuck out of the house."

"I didn't steal your car keys," she replied softly, still rubbing her ear. "I borrowed them. They're with you now, how is that considered stealing?"

She quickly moved away before she would earn another assault from her mother.

"Go and take a bath, the makeup artist is already here," Haj .Salmah ordered then trotted out of the room.

With a deep sigh, Najmah looked back and forth between the shopping bag and the door of her bathroom, contemplating between reading a chapter of the comic book or going into the bathroom. Deciding on the latter, she stripped then ambled into the bathroom.

Moments later, she came out of the bathroom and found the beautician waiting for her. She nervously rubbed the first lotion her eyes landed on before she sat down on the stool under the vanity table as the lady began her makeup.

When the makeup was over, she got dressed in a dazzling peach triple-layered mermaid sequin dress, looking as beautiful as any arewa๑ lady would on her wedding day.

There was a lot of yodelling and whooping as the beautiful bride was led down to the backyard where the Walimah° was going to take place.

Her mind was still on the comic books she bought, still reeling from disappointment as the pouch she was holding wasn't big enough to fit the books in.

As she sat down on the chair, her mind went back to her husband to be. She checked her phone for any notifications, but none was from him. She was nervous and jittery, squirming in her seat as her palms became damp with sweat. She hated being the center of attention, she never wanted the Walimah and if it were up to her, no ceremony would've taken place; she absolutely detested the crowd.

She was a bit giddy as she waited for the announcement of the solemnization of her marriage with Fahad.

'Where is he? Why hasn't he called me yet? He wouldn't stop talking about this day, so why isn't there any message from him?' she mused, tuning out the woman that was supposedly telling her the rights her husband held against her.

Reality hit her as she remembered the significance of the event; they were prepping her for a life outside the walls of her parents' house. Her lips trembled and she felt something clog at her throat, her eyes burned as streaks of tears rolled down her eyes. Who was going to take care of Ummita and Abba for her? Who was going to make her Abba smile when she's gone? Who was going to prepare Abba's night coffee?

Instead of being taken to her new home after the Walimah rounded, Najmah was taken back to her room. Thousands of thoughts clouded her mind and since she couldn't go out and demand for answers, she paced the length of her room restlessly waiting for answers to come to her.

The creek of the door made her head snap up and seeing her father's face, confusion marred her features.

"Abba?″ her eyebrows furrowed as she stopped her pacing, watching him silently walk up to her bed.

"Najmah," he sighed tiredly, offering her a pained smile as he tapped the space next to him. "Come sit with me."

"Is there something bothering you Abba?" she questioned, doing as she was asked.

"You know that I love you right?" he queried clasping his hands on hers, staring at a wall which was covered in graffiti. "I will never do anything that will cause harm to you or your brother."

Her heart thrummed in her chest as wheels began to turn in her head, wondering where the conversation was going. She had the most easiest relationship with her father as he understood and acknowledged her silence and the need to keep to herself unlike her mother who always berated her for disregarding conversations and relationships alike.

"I know you do Abba," she chuckled but it came out almost as a strained cough. "Something is wrong isn't it?"

He nodded without answering her question, taking his gaze off the wall and fixing it on her. "I want you to listen to what I have to say attentively okay? What happened was qadr*, it was destined to happen even before you were born."

"Abba what happened?" she questioned nervously, searching her father’s face for any inclination of what might have caused him to be in such distraught state.

"Fahad got arrested."

Three words, they were enough to threaten the balance of her life as she sat quietly, absorbing the information slowly.

"Arrested?" she questioned dumbly, staring at the wall her father had stared at before, trying to discern how she had blended the colors there.

"He was pulled over by the police on his way to the masjid^ and they found drugs in his car. Apparently, he is into drug trafficking."

"Not Fahad," she shook her head in denial. "He wouldn't. I know that he might've done some questionable stuffs during his youth but Abba...it's not possible."

"It is, Star. It is," he nodded solemnly, patting her head softly. "They found evidence in his room after they raided his parents' house."

"There must've been a mistake," she shook her head again, tears welling up in her eyes. "It's not him, it can't be."

"There's more," he cleared his throat, placing her head on his shoulder as she slipped off the heavy gele•• from her head. "Do you remember my friend Faik?"

She nodded solemnly wondering what he had to do with her situation.

"He offered his son to marry you since he is unmarried. He has been looking for a wife for his son and seeing the circumstances, I accepted. I know that I should have talked to you first but I couldn't get to you in time with all the commotion going on..."

She tuned him out, focusing on her breathing as her heart rose and fell rapidly. Her hands shook as she pulled off the choker away from her neck, feeling it obstructing her airways.

She stood up abruptly and fell back down, regretting her action immediately, as her head began to pound violently.

'Offered...unmarried...circumstances...accepted'  those words kept twirling in her head as she clutched her head in her palms, breathing through her mouth.

"Najmah?" Alh. Haroun tapped her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, not trusting her voice as her breathing returned back to normal. Her eyes fell on a bottle of water that laid beside her feet and she unscrewed the cap, gulping its content.

"Does he agree with marrying me? Won't he reject me Abba? We don't even know each other," she found herself saying when all she wanted to do was scream and break things. "What if I don't like him?"

"I am sorry Najmah," he bowed his head guiltily. "I have wronged you but I do hope that you will forgive your Abba and give this boy a chance. He comes from a respectable house and I know that he will never treat you wrongly even if he doesn't know you. If he does otherwise and you find it difficult to stay, I want you to know that the door is always open to you. I know that this most be difficult for you to digest but if you don't accept it, it's never too late to undo it. For now, sleep on it and when you are ready with your answer, you know where to find me. The choice to accept the marriage is yours to make and if you want out, we will understand, no one will pressurise you to accept it."

That said, he kissed her temple then ambled out of the room with a heavy heart. Had he done a grievous mistake by accepting the proposal on chance just to save face? In his haste to save his daughter from humiliation, he hoped that he hadn't jeopardized her future.

________________________________________

Glossary

•= the actual solemnization of the marriage. The groom, well-wishers, friends, family and waliys(male representatives of both bride and groom) will go to the mosque and be witnesses to the marriage.

๑= Northern

°= a formal event where a known scholar is invited to give advice and sermons to the bride.

*= destiny

^= mosque

 The morning breeze blew the curtains to and fro, making Najmah shiver as she descended the stairs. She placed a hand on her bare arm, making a beeline to the kitchen. Her eyes were a little bit unfocused as she hadn't slept a wink the night before, her mind too occupied and restless to let her be.

If only Fahad hadn't gotten himself into trouble, she wouldn't have been in that situation, she thought solemnly. She spent the whole night trying to figure out what made him do what he did but couldn’t come up with any possible reason. His family was well off so why would he get himself caught up in such an illegal act?

Something wasn’t adding up she thought as she entered the kitchen, heading towards the coffee brewer. The Fahad she knew wouldn’t have done what he was accused of but perhaps, she could be wrong. After all, she didn’t know him that much but he never gave her any reason to suspect that he was partaking in illegal activities. She sat down on the kitchen island, twirling the spoon in her cup, unable to bring herself to take a sip. The clattering of plates startled her, and she let out an inaudible sigh when she saw Hanifa, her brother's wife.

"Good morning Addah Hanifa," she greeted taking a sip of the now warm coffee.

"Good morning Najmah," the lady replied with enthusiasm that was strange for a person who just woke up especially Hanifa who wasn't a morning person.

"Why are you so happy Addah Hanifa? Did you win the lottery?" her brows rose in question as she regarded said lady with scruitiny.

"This is far better than winning a lottery Najmah. I'm just so happy because...″ she trailed off, placing her hand on her belly a smile breaking off on her face, her eyes twinkling with happiness.

"You're pregnant!" Najmah blurted as realization dawned on her and for a moment, she was able to forget her predicament and race towards Hanifa, throwing her arms over her in congratulations.

"Thank you Star!" she responded, hugging Najmah back.

"Does Yaa Umar know?" Najmah queried, settling back on the island.

"No," she shook her head in response, heading towards the coffee brewer. "I found out yesterday."

"How are you holding up? I'm so sorry," she stared at her sister in law sympathetically.

"To be honest, I don't know. Yesterday if anyone told me I wasn’t gonna marry Fahad, I would've told that person that he was a liar and yet, here we are..." she trailed off, not knowing how to express her feelings. "What if he doesn't accept me Addah? You know how hard it is for me to form relations, what if he shuns me away?"

"Everything’s going to be alright in shaa Allah*, you'll see. Have faith in The Almighty, He joined you both in matrimony and by His Grace, He'll join your hearts as one."

"What if... "

"There's no what if Najmah, you're a star, our star and in shaa Allah, you'll be the star that'll shine in your husband's house and heart. You just need a little bit of work and a bit of adjustment before you both understand each other but in shaa Allah, you will get there. He will see what a unique and amazing person you are once he gets to know you and mark my words, he won't be able to help himself, he will fall hard for you."

Despite her insecurities and troubles, Najmah threw her head back and laughed heartily, grateful for having her brother's wife in her life. She always knew when to pick her up when she fell and when to tell her 'I told you so' when she was stubborn, a best friend and a sister-in-law wrapped in one package.

{••}

The sun had set and Najmah was sitting in her favorite place at the garden, reading a book. Too absorbed in her reading, she didn't realize when her mother sat beside her till she took the book out of her hand.

"Ummita!" she gasped, placing her hands on her chest. "You scared me."

"How are you doing my child?" Haj.Salmah placed her hand on her daughter's head comfortingly.

"I've been better," she shrugged, placing her head on her mother's lap, feeling odd but still unable to stop herself; she needed the comfort then more than ever.

"Najmah...there's something I have to tell you..." she trailed off, staring ahead. She felt pity for her youngest due to the turnout of her life but what could she do, it was qadr and there was nothing they could do to stop it.

"You're saying Ummita?" Najmah queried sitting upright, her heart starting to beat widely against her chest.

"It's uhm...uhm...your husband..." Haj. Salmah trailed off, unable to continue. It wasn’t often that she found herself speechless but the spontaneous change of things had her tongue-tied, she had wanted her husband to break the news to Najmah because apart from Hanifa, only he had the ability to break through to her.

"What about him Ummita?" she gulped, trying to keep her composure although all she wanted to do was break down right that moment. Had he called to divorce her finally realising what an outrageous idea it was to accept a marriage on the spot?  Will she become a divorcee at the age of 22, dumped, married and then divorced within 48 hours?

"You know that Faik and his family do not stay here right? And uhm...he wants you to go to Turkey together with him."

"What are talking about? You mean I'm leaving Nigeria for a foreign country, to a stranger of a husband who might reject me the minute he sees me? Ummita this isn't fair," Najmah stated, staring ahead her face suddenly turning passive. She bit her tongue in other to refrain herself from screaming.

"It's your destiny Najmah and no one can escape his. In my heart, I know that Aslan will take good care of you.

"I want what's best for you Najmah, I know that this is a trial and in shaa Allah you'll pass this test. All I pray for you is a blessed union and may Allah azza wajjal unite the two of you."

Najmah couldn't bring herself to talk so she bobbed her head and stared into space. A lone tear escaped her eyes and quickly, she wiped it away so her mother wouldn't see but unfortunately, Haj. Salmah had caught her.

She engulfed her daughter into a hug, urging her to let out what she was hiding but being the person that she was, she sat stiff in her mother's embrace. Haj. Salmah released her from the hug, disappointment washing over her as she realised that her daughter had once again shut her out. She shouldn't have agreed to be the one to tell Najmah the latest news, her father should have.

{••}

Najmah stood at the door of her bedroom, taking in the sight of the now bare room. She walked further inside, running her hand over the makeshift bookshelf her brother had gifted her with a reminiscent smile, recalling the day he had brought it to her bedroom. She wandered over to the window and stared down at the garden, recalling all the times she had spent reading and painting while hiding away from her mother's strict gaze.

She had always known that a day would come when she would leave her beloved safe haven but leaving the country had never crossed her mind. She blinked away tears that were threatening to fall and moved away from the view, swallowing hard before sitting down at the edge of her bed which no longer felt like hers she thought bitterly as she skimmed her hand over the linen.

A loud blaring horn jolted her out of her thoughts and with one last lingering gaze, she jutted her chin upwards and strolled out into the compound where her parents were waiting to send her off.

Her steps faltered as her gaze met with her father's whose jaws were set in a hard line as he fought hard to keep his composure. If it were any day, she would have teased him about it but knowing that she was the reason behind that, she decided to let it go. After all, she wasn’t in the mood for any of that. With a deep sigh, she tried to pocket her hands in her jeans but failed as they fell down by her sides. She sighed again when she recalled her mother's stern warning about wearing jeans to meet her new family.

"Abba… " she uttered, resisting the urge to fling her arms over him knowing that she wouldn't be able to let go. "I'm gonna miss you."

"I'm going to miss you more my star. Now go on ahead your new life awaits you," he whispered into her ear, wiping away her tears.

"Ummita... " she returned her mother's hug, breathing in her scent and committing it to her memory knowing full well it might be the last time she would see her. Haj. Salmah wasn’t particularly warm but all the same, she loved her mother dearly.

"You have to be strong Najmah, marriage isn't a bed of roses there are thorns in it. You have to be strong for anything that comes your way," she whispered into her ears, squeezing her shoulders.

"What if I disappoint you?"

"You won't, I have no qualms in how I raised you."

It took a lot of effort and willpower before Haj. Salmah was able to wrench away from her daughter. It pained to see her daughter in that condition but there was no going back, the deed had already been done, there was no use crying over spilled milk but still, there was pain in her heart.

Najmah hanged on to Hanifa, never in a million years did she think they'd be separated much more by a continent. How could she ever survive without having Hanifa by her side?

It took a lot of persuasion before Najmah went into the awaiting car, taking one last look at her home, wondering what sort of life awaits her in Turkey.

Would she get along with her new family, would she be able to relate with them? And her husband, would their relationship work considering her poor communication skills or lack thereof. She wondered how their marriage was going to work especially with her condition. Would he accept a person like her, or would he send her back? What if he expected a lot from her? What if he expected things from her which were beyond her comfort zone, would she be able to do it? Would she be able to crack out of her shell and become the loving wife she was expected to be?

'But all these depend on the kind of man he is.'

________________________________________________

*= if Allah wills