Give Me A Reason

Home of Celeste Barber – Morning.

Celeste had been back in San Diego for almost a month now and she still hadn’t gotten the nerve to contact any of her friends; they’d been like family, the only family she had really yet she’d remained secluded in the small studio apartment that she’d found in a sketchy corner of downtown.

She’d given up her home, her job...Jared; everything to prove a point. Now looking back on the last two years she wondered what the point was. She’d lost everything and everyone who she had ever loved and who had ever loved her. His deep voice laced with a ring of desperation begging her not to leave still rang in her ears as if it were yesterday. Jared was never desperate except for that night. She had driven him to an unfamiliar place, and she wondered if he would ever forgive her. Deep in her heart, she knew the answer.

For seven years Celeste had been a member of CAT, an elite branch of the federal government. She was the technical brain behind the highly skilled brawn of a team of agents who hunted evil for a living. Very few knew they existed which made their small group like a tight-knit family. There was a time when nothing could separate them, but Celeste never felt as alone as she did now. She could have gone anywhere after her divorce; she kept asking herself why she had come back here.

Her engagement and marriage had been sudden. Of course, everyone knew that she had been dating Gordon Maxwell, but no one close to Celeste believed it was serious. He was crude and dull with no personality. Besides the team knew that Celeste was really in love with their team leader, Jared Monroe, and no matter how much Jared hid behind his tough professional façade, he loved her too. Gordon Maxwell was nothing more than a distraction which is why her sudden departure caught them all by surprise.

Celeste stared at her reflection in the mirror and as usual, her makeup was flawless; her smooth skin highlighted with a bright orange lip and her dark curls laying heavily on her shoulders confirmed that on the outside she was ready to make her return. She was grateful that the director had approved her request to come back and fixed things so that her time away was covered by the ridiculous amount of vacation hours still on the books; hours that she had refused to be paid for when she left.

“I must be out of my mind,” she whispered to herself as she headed toward the kitchen, “what am I going to say when I see them? Hell, they probably won’t have anything to do with me!”

Celeste rummaged through the box next to the refrigerator until she found her old agency travel mug. She was stalling and it was getting late. Her stomach was churning, and her heart was beating a mile a minute. Then filling her mug with the last of the fresh coffee, she headed out the door.

“Whew, get it together, girl. You got this!”

***

Federal Building West Annex – Downtown, San Diego, CA.

Office of Jared Monroe –

There was nothing much to see through the large picture window; nothing that he hadn’t seen a million times before. Jared had been standing here staring for the last hour trying to make sense of the Director’s decision that had suddenly turned his life upside down and sent his emotions into a tailspin. He had worked hard to keep his hurt and anger under control over the last two years and he had even managed to convince himself that he had gotten over his feelings for her, but now it was as if he’d been yanked back in time when he stood in this very office pleading with her to stay.

Paul Evans knocked lightly before stepping inside and closing the door. He was one of the few living beings that could enter before being granted permission to do so.

“I can’t believe the Director is allowing her to come back,” Jared began still staring out the window.

“We’ve been through a dozen techs since she’s been gone and none have worked out and we could use her, Jared.”

“Come on, man, two years, it’s been two damn years. Besides, a lot has changed!”

“Has it? Word is she’s been consulting for a few East Coast teams while she was gone. In fact, her absence is being treated like a transfer.”

“But why does she have to come back here? We were doing just fine.”

Jared turned and glanced at his friend before taking a seat behind the desk. Paul crossed the room and took the chair in front of the desk and watched his friend as he struggled with his emotions. Paul knew Jared was far from fine. He’d watch the light in his eyes dim when Celeste left. It was as if she’d taken a piece of Jared with her. Now with her return old wounds were opening for all of them.

Paul had been with the agency longer than any of them; he’d seen agents come and go but with Celeste’s leaving things had changed and all of them had been affected in some sort of way. Her return would not be easy, of this he was certain.

Jared glanced at his watch before leaning his head against the chair and closing his eyes. Their staff meeting was due to start soon, and it would mark her official return.

“I’m not sure about this old man,” Jared mumbled.

“We’re here to do a job, anything else we set aside,” Paul responded, “can you do that?”

“I guess I don’t have a choice, do I?”

Paul stood and let out a long sigh, “no, none of us do.”

Celeste made her way through security and headed to the twelfth floor. For so long this was home spending more time here than her apartment. Now she felt like a prodigal child as she made her way down the long hallway.

“Celeste!”

She was hoping to get to her office without running into anyone.

“Celeste!” The voice repeated.

Celeste turned back toward the familiar face behind her. A warm smile greeted her moments before arms wrapped tightly around her body nearly squeezing the life out of her.

“Mona, hey...”

“It’s so good to see you,” releasing her as her eyes roamed her from head to toe, “Oh my goodness, it’s really you! Welcome back!” Mona squealed.

“Th-thanks it's good to be...” Celeste was nearly speechless. This wasn’t the greeting she’d expected, “I’m sorry, I thought for sure I’d be getting the silent treatment for at least the first month,” she continued pulling her friend into a hug.

Ramona Vasquez had been one of her closest friends on the team, and it was good that she was the first one she ran into.

“Are you serious? No matter what we’re family.”

“Thanks, Mona.”

“Oh, don’t think you don’t have some making up to do, girlie which may entail some long nights of gin rummy at Perks and pool and beer at Sherman’s but not to worry, you’re still family, always.”

Celeste nodded as she fought the tears streaming down her cheeks. She allowed the woman to wrap her arms around her waist and lead her down the hallway. The two had been closer than sisters and Celeste was happy to know that that hadn’t changed. Just before stepping into her office, Celeste looked seriously at her friend.

“How is he?”

“Do you really want to know?” Mona asked.

“Yes. No. Not really...”

“Hey, I love you, no matter what but you made this mess and now you’re going to have to fix it!” Mona checked her watch before continuing, “Morning briefing starts in five minutes so put on your big girl panties and I’ll see you in the conference room! And. Don’t. Be. Late!”

Celeste watched her friend turn and head back down the hallway. She wasn’t ready to see him or any of them so soon, but the time was now. Mona was right, she had created a mess, a big mess and she was the only one who could clean it up.

Ten years ago, Jared and Paul had been tasked to build a team of agents with certain specialized skills to hunt the most vile and evil of villains. It was an enviable position on the surface, but it had demanded everything from him and the others. None of them had been successful in creating lives outside of the agency and because of that, they had formed their own oddly functionally dysfunctional family. Nothing but death could separate them. It felt like death when Celeste left and the fact that she did not stay in touch seemed to confirm her passing.

Jared Monroe’s entire life had been built on being in control. It had kept him motivated and alive; it was the reason he had survived a brutal childhood, and it was the reason he had risen within the bureau’s ranks as fast as he had.

Jared knew that there were consequences in letting his guard down, letting others too close and allowing his mind and heart to be distracted. He’d masterfully built a wall that kept him safe and allowed him to maintain his focus. No one had been successful in getting past that wall; even his team who were the closest to him knew that besides them, Jared Monroe protected his heart with all his might. Then he met Celeste Barber, and everything changed.

Conference Room –

The team except for Celeste were already in their places when Jared arrived. Special Agents Lloyd Perkins, Paul Evans, Ramona Vasquez, and Abigail Walinski sat anxiously eyeing their leader and waiting for his body language to speak to them. They all suspected that he had feelings for Celeste even though none of them had the courage to speak about it. Nevertheless, they’d all noticed the change in him, the way he upped his commitment to work and the fact that he was even more withdrawn than normal after she’d left.

“Let’s get started,” he began. “Director Finch has asked us to...”

“...Excuse me, but isn’t Celeste supposed to start today?” asked Perkins.

Looking around the table and seeing the daggers aimed his way Perkins quickly wished he’d kept his mouth shut.

Jared looked at his watch and shrugged his shoulders. Then without answering the question, he continued by flipping on the smart screen in front of them.

“As I was saying, the director has a case that is of special interest to him and he’s assigning us to it.”

Then all eyes shifted toward the door including Jared’s. Pushing the door open slowly, Celeste timidly entered and with her eyes downward quickly took the nearest seat available.

“YOU'RE LATE!” Jared barked. “I know it’s been a while, but we start briefings on time around here!”

“My apologies, but the director called just as...”

“I don’t want to hear your excuses, Agent Barber!”

The air in the room suddenly went cold. Mona shot a sympathetic glance across the table at her wayward friend.

“Agent Barber?” Mona mouthed in silence.

“My apologies, it won’t happen again,” Celeste replied.

“No, it won’t,” Jared shot back.

And so, it began. If Celeste had any delusions of her return being easy they were quickly dashed. His cold black stare sent a chill down her spine. There was nothing in his eyes for her and without missing a beat, the man who had professed his love for her two years ago began passing out case files as if their exchange a few seconds ago had never happened.

“The local police department is asking for our help on a case. A commercial fisherman stumbled across what turned out to be a mass grave three days ago,” Jared began as pictures of seven women began populating the screen on the wall.

“His victims crossed racial and cultural lines, so this sicko doesn’t have a type,” said Perkins.

“Which will make him even harder to catch,” noted Abby.

“And he’s patient,” Mona added.

“Patient, what do you mean?” asked Celeste.

“He took his time with them; kept them for weeks, months torturing them,” Paul answered. “Then when he got bored, he killed them.”

“Oh my god!” Celeste gasped. She didn’t miss this part of her job. Her stomach began to turn.

“God had nothing to do with this,” Jared added, “Listen up everyone, the Director wants this case wrapped up yesterday, so if we have to work twenty-four-seven then that’s what we’ll do.”

“Got it, boss,” answered Perkins. “Where do you want us to start?”

“Let’s split up into teams of two and interview the victims’ families and Barber, I need you to dig into these women’s lives, find something that the families can’t or won’t tell us.”

“Yes Sir,” Celeste answered.

It was all she could do not to break down, but she refused to let him know that his behavior was affecting her. She still had her pride and her dignity, and she’d be damned if she let anyone especially Jared Monroe break her.

Moments later the team was divided and headed out to interview the families of the victims. Paul followed Jared back to his office for a few words before heading out with Abigail. Jared pretended not to notice that he was being followed.

“A little harsh don’t you think?” Paul asked.

“What?”

“Agent Barber?” Replied Paul. “Not to mention your icy greeting. Is this how it’s going to be?”

“Look, if she’s expecting some sort of special treatment, she might as well go back to wherever she’s been for the last two years!”

“Come on Jared, it’s going to be hard enough for us to get back in sync with each other without our team leader being an ass!”

“Watch it, now!”

“No really, you’re wrong! If you can’t keep it together then we’re in trouble.”

“I know, I know. You’re right it’s just that I didn’t think seeing her again would dredge up so many feelings.”

“She left, so what! She followed her heart and for whatever reason it didn’t work out. You’re acting like a man who got his heart broken. Is there something you need to tell me?” Paul asked knowingly.

“Really Paul, heartbroken? I just would have appreciated more than a twenty-four-hour notice that she was leaving that’s all. You said it yourself; we’ve been through a dozen techs, and none have worked out. One of the reasons we work is because we have a rhythm, we know each other inside and out! For her to up and leave, that was just...”

“Just what?”

“It was selfish!”

Paul struggled to keep from smiling. He knew that his friend had fallen for their young tech; they all knew but they kept his secret.

“Selfish, okay. Are you sure that’s all it is?”

“Of course, what else could it be?”

Office of Celeste Barber –

Celeste hadn’t realized that she wasn’t breathing until she’d found refuge in her small office at the end of the hall. Exhaling she sat wobbly into her chair. She was already exhausted, and it was only ten-fifteen. Her hands were shaking as she turned on her computers. Somehow, she found comfort as they lit up and hummed to life.

“I can’t do this! I can’t do this!” she murmured to herself.

“Knock, knock.”

Celeste turned to see Abigail’s head poking through the door.

“Can I come in?” She asked.

“Always,” Celeste answered.

“That was brutal,” Abby began.

“Tell me about it.”

“Give him time. Even though you both were terrible at hiding it we all knew you two had feelings for each other. That’s why we were all surprised when you ran off to marry Gordon. We always thought that he was a placeholder.”

“A placeholder?”

“Yeah, we thought you were just wasting time until...” Abby began.

“Until what? Until Jared noticed me, thought I was worthy enough to date?”

“No, those are your words, not mine. You know how the bureau feels about team members dating,” Abby insisted.

“Yeah, maybe but he didn’t make a move, ever. I mean I always felt something from him but. He kept his mouth shut...until...”

“Until?”

“Until it was too late,” Celeste answered.

“Now what? Any regrets?”

“Divorcing Gordon, no, no regrets; coming back here, the jury is still out.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Let me guess, why didn’t I stay in touch?”

“No, that’s not it.”

“Then what?”

“Do you still love him? Do you still love Jared?”