Hating Travis

I see him clear as day. He's standing right at the end of the room and everyone around him is laughing at his jokes. He's still the same piece of shit he was six years ago. It's amazing how little people change, especially people like him. He's taller now, and muscular, but he's still the same person. Still the same coward. His gaze keeps flickering to the door and I know he's looking for me. I'm hiding in the shadows and watching him look for me desperately, wondering if I'll show up.

Well, Travis, here I am.

I'm here to stay.

I'm not going anywhere.

Six years ago, Travis Blake did something horrible to me. Something I'll never get over. Something I'll never forget. His actions left me irreparably broken, and he never got to pay for it. I step out of the shadows and a brilliant smile lights his face. I smile back sweetly, seductively. I'm here to take what he took from me all those years ago.

I'm here to ruin Travis Blake's life.

I shut the trunk of my car and carry the last of the boxes into the building. The porter offers to assist me, but I decline. I don't have much left to pack. This is the last of it. I climb the stairs to 303 and I unlock the front door. The apartment is small; just a living room with one couch and a television set, a kitchenette and a tiny bedroom. The bathroom is small, too, but this is all I need. The walls are a pale yellow and half of the furniture is in good condition, so I guess I made a good deal. I chose this apartment specifically because it came furnished and it was the cheapest on the block. I'm short on money. I had to buy the car, so maybe I'll have to get a job. Or maybe not. It depends on how long I have to stay here.

I start packing all my clothes and when I'm done, it's just four in the afternoon. I still have some time to kill, and I fantasize about taking a nap, but there's no way that will ever happen. There's no way I can sleep right now, not with the adrenaline rushing through me. I can't believe I did this. I can't believe this is finally happening. I’m here, after all this time.

My stomach grumbles and I realize I haven't had a decent meal in several hours. The drive here was long and exhausting and I’m glad it’s all behind me. So I grab my car keys and I drive to the nearest diner. I'm surprised I still know my way around. Everything about this place is engraved in my memory. Not much has changed and I find that comforting in some twisted way. I spot the church I used to go to every Sunday, and my old primary school is to my left. I close my eyes. He used to sit right behind me. I'll never forget that.

Chuck's Diner serves the best burgers ever, so I'm not surprised when I pull into the lot and it's packed. I suppress the panic bubbling within me and I take deep breaths to calm myself. It's been six years, no one will recognize me. I need to stop being so paranoid. I've changed my appearance drastically for this. I've been training for this for six years.

I get out of my car and lock it. I take a moment to admire it. I think I made a good deal with this one, too. It's a small Nissan, since it was the cheapest car I could find, but it's growing on me. I think I made a good deal, it's in great condition. I think.

I turn around and when I finally get a good look at the diner, memories just come rushing back. We were here every Saturday. I would always get the cheeseburger with their strawberry milkshake, then cheesecake for dessert. I can almost taste it. It's all so painful I close my eyes for a second. When I reopen them, I'm staring at the new me reflected in the window. I rake a hand through my hair; I had to cut it short and dye it blonde, I couldn't risk anyone finding out who I really am. My dark tresses were one of the most memorable things about me. Besides, my face isn't as round as it used to be and my eyes are just plain brown. Nothing too memorable about my face. I take a deep breath and I walk towards the door. When I open it, the bell above it jingles. Just like the old days.

The place still smells the same, and nothing has changed regarding the furniture. Still the same tables and chairs and benches. The floor is the same black and white tile. The walls are still red and covered with photographs of burgers and pizzas and milkshakes. Every single table is occupied, and I look away. I don't want to make eye contact with anyone. What if I come across an old teacher? I can't be sure they won't recognize me. Teachers have such great memories, after all. And I'm not someone they'd just forget.

I'm the girl everyone probably remembers.

I know it's risky being here, but I've fantasized this moment for years. I can't wait to get a bite of this cheeseburger and have a taste of the milkshake. I want a taste of my unruined childhood. I want to remember a simpler time, before everything went to shit and I had to leave.

Chuck is behind the counter assembling a burger and I get this overwhelming sense of déjà vu. It's almost like I'm eleven again. He's still the same beefy man and his hair is still chestnut brown. He hasn't aged at all, but then again I haven't been gone that long. He looks up and smiles his signature smile, and I feel a little paranoid again.

"Hello." He says with friendly smile, the same smile he uses on just about everyone that comes in here. "How can I help you?"

I freeze for a moment, and all I can do is stare at him. I contemplate turning around and speeding back to my car. He tilts his head and repeats himself. He's looking at me funny. I need to play it cool.

I tuck my hair behind my ear and I step closer to the counter. "Hi. Sorry. I was hoping I could get the cheeseburger with some fries and—" I decide to change my option of drink the last second. I don't want to risk being recognized, "—a cherry coke."

"Coming right up." He says, but he's looking at me strangely again. He rubs his chin. "Say, have you been here before?"

I shake my head quickly. Too quickly. "No, I just moved here."

He raises his eyebrows. "Really? I'm sorry, it's just that you look familiar. And you didn't even ask for the menu."

My cheeks flush. I should have thought of that. "I read the sign about the burgers outside. And I guess everyone serves cherry coke, right?" I try to make my smile genuine and I think he buys it. He types in my order.

"That'll be $12.99,"

I hand him a twenty dollar note and he hands me my change and my receipt. As I turn to walk outside, he calls out. "What did you say your name was?"

"I didn't," I say, trying to keep the tremble out of my voice. "My name is Chloe. Chloe Parker."

The second I get outside I release a breath I didn't know I was holding until now. He thinks I'm familiar, but there's just no way he can know, especially with the fake name I gave him. Either way, this was a rookie move. I need to be more cautious and I need to start ordering food elsewhere.

I wait for a few minutes and then I head back inside. My order is ready and he hands me the brown paper bag. I grab my can of cherry coke and I flash him a small smile. I turn to my left and for a split second, I see him. I'm so shocked I nearly drop my order. There he is, the one I've come all this way for. The one I went to hell and back to get this fake identity for. Travis Blake.

It feels so strange, seeing him for the first time personally. My heart’s beating fast and I think I’m starting to sweat. I remember the last time I saw him, the look he gave me. Like I was the crazy one. Like I was the one ruining lives. The younger version of this face used to give me skin crawling nightmares. I used to wake up screaming and pulling my hair, the sheets soaked with my urine. It happened so often and when they stopped, I knew it was time. Time to return and make him pay for what he did to me. I’m not afraid of him anymore. The hatred obfuscates everything else.

He's seated a few tables away, so I can't see him clearly. But I know it's him. I'll never forget that face. His hair is longer now and his face is more angular, but it's him alright. There are other guys sitting with him, but I can't recognize them. He picks up his burger and he takes a huge bite, then he gulps it down with Coke or Pepsi or whatever. He hasn't noticed me yet, but he will. Soon. I’ll make sure of it.

I've been standing here and staring at him for too long, so I muster the courage to look away. Seeing him was the exact confirmation that I needed to set my plan in motion. There’s no turning back now. I’ve come too far to quit now.

I walk out the door and I sit in my car for a few minutes. I need to gather my thoughts for a moment. I need to not think about what just happened in there too much. I have approximately six months to get myself together and resolve everything I came here to resolve. Settle old debts. I have time to sort everything out. I run my hands through my hair and I look at my passenger seat. My stomach grumbles and I reach for the paper bag. I unroll it and the aroma fills the car. My mouth waters and I reach inside for the tiny box. My hands are trembling slightly and I take a giant bite.

It tastes exactly the same as it did six years ago, and before I realize it, tears are slithering down my face. I'm sobbing with a mouthful of cheeseburger and I don't know how to stop. I was so happy here. Why did we ever leave? How did things go so horribly wrong? I loved this place. This was my home. And that asshole Travis took all this away from me. I take another bite. This was my favorite meal ever. On my bad days, I would think of Chuck’s food and manage to smile.

The door jingles and coincidentally, Travis walks out with all his friends. They're laughing and pushing each other around and the sight of him up close makes me so nauseous I spit my burger out. I want to start my car and run him over. Him and all his friends. That's the price they'll pay for hanging out with someone as cruel as Travis Blake. I need to get a better grip of my emotions. I'll need to be cold-blooded to finish this.

I watch them get into a red SUV. Travis isn't in the driver's seat, so I guess it isn't his car. They're loud and boisterous and it irks me. Of course he has so much to be glad for. He destroyed me and got away with it. But not for long.

Once they're out of sight, I start my car and I drive back to the apartment. I need to start plotting and I need to get ready to go to school tomorrow. First day of the semester is always hectic, and I'll have to work hard on the new me. Chloe needs to be perfect. Chloe needs to grab Travis' attention. Chloe needs to be a part of his little group and weave herself into his circle of friends. Chloe needs to find a way to make his life hell, and she will.

I think of throwing the brown paper bag in the trash, but my stomach grumbles again so I change my mind. I tuck it under my arm and climb the stairs to my apartment. Tomorrow will either make me or break me, so I have to find a way to stand out, but not too much in case someone recognizes me. I cannot risk being recognized. I finish my burger and when I've cleaned up, I go through all my clothes.

There's a lot of work to do.