Hues of Love

Adhrit Solanki stared out of the window beside his desk. The clear navy-blue sky seemed like someone had spilled shimmer over it and had drew marvelous art using the sky as the canvas. Situated on the 31st floor, his cabin surely boasted of one of the best views one could enjoy.

For a normal observer, Adhrit Solanki had everything one would want. He had married love of his life, was one of the top businessmen of the world and was blessed with good health. But the man in question himself would deny the claims with a regretful sigh. He had married the love of his life, but the marriage proved to be the root of all his worries. It began to make him lose focus over his business and soon his health started deteriorating.

Years ago, he was preparing to be a doctor, but family business was thrust onto him while he was pushed into Business Management studies, which he aced every time. As his mind drifted into the past, he reminisced the way he had colored the town in red with his current wife and then girlfriend. The passion they seemed to possess back then had mysteriously gotten lost after their marriage.

People would kill or die to be in his place to be able to marry their childhood sweetheart or their first love, but he knew better. He wondered if the destiny was a bit different about his parents, would he have fallen for his wife or someone else would have stolen his heart and he would be much peaceful than he was.

A knock on his door interrupted Adhrit's peaceful gazing of the world on the other side of the glass. Sighing deeply at his recently developed lack of focus, Adhrit granted the permission to enter. Adhrit's secretary, Rupa, walked into the room, following his words.

"Sir, it is quite late. Can I leave for the day? My mother asked me to return home early after listening to the recent rape case in this street," she said, her eyes stuck to the ground, hoping that her boss would not shout. His mood had begun to fluctuate to extremes over the past few days and she did not want to be on the receiving edge of the negative extreme of his emotional range.

Rupa's words made Adhrit glance at his watch to realize that the hour hand of the watch had crossed the number nine quite long back. He had been staring outside for that long?

"Sure, Rupa. Convey my apologies to your mother for keeping you in office for so long. I will ask for a company cab to drop you at your residence. You can leave at seven-thirty everyday unless the schedule dictates otherwise and every time the schedule keeps you here for longer than that, the company takes the responsibility from now on," he said, standing up and pulling the intercom to dial the reception to call the cab.

Rupa was relieved to see his calmer side. He could be so sweet if he wants, she thought as she smiled widely at him.

"Thank you so much, Sir. No need to call the cab. I will be fine. My boyfriend came to pick me up," she said, her eyes lighting up with the mention of her boyfriend. Lucky bloke thought Adhrit with despair flooding his mind.

"Fine then. Good night, Rupa. Bye," he said suddenly and walked away from the room as he picked his phone from the desk.

Rupa stood floundering, wondering what had happened to her boss suddenly. Deciding that she would not be able to understand her boss ever in her life, Rupa left the room after switching off all the electronics in the room, with a smile on her face, expressing her eagerness to spend time with her boyfriend.

"What have you done to my son that he jumps at the mention of getting the vaccination done, Dr. Neysa Thapar ? He just loves you," said Shipra, clutching her son to her chest.

"It's just my charm, baby. Aur Rahul and Mausi have a secret, don't we Rahul?" asked Neysa, looking at the chubby child with adoration and affection, who reciprocated her emotions with the same intensity.

Rahul bobbed his head as an answer to Neysa's question. Neysa raised her hand towards him for a high-five which felt more like a gentle touch to Neysa.

"Do you plan on sharing the secret? Ever?" questioned Shipra, feigning her anger at her best friend.

"Arre Shipra, it is called a secret for a reason. You know, I am a very trustworthy person. I know how to keep my secrets," joked Neysa, winking at Shipra.

It tugged at Shipra's heart to see Neysa's child-like behavior. Neysa could keep her pain a secret from others but not her best friend who had unknowingly been the reason for her pain. How she wished that she had learned of her friend's heart before she had herself confessed and stopped the swinging of her heart to the forbidden region.

"I know of that very well. You are so proficient in keeping your secrets that you don't let others know that you are in deep pain. Why don't you move on, Neysa?" Shipra asked, clutching Neysa's arm.

Shipra's question made the smile on Neysa's face fade away. Her expressions began matching her internal pain, which was hidden in a corner of the heart which was dedicated to someone who made her forget everything which she had learned. Neysa reminded herself that she was seated in front of her pseudo-sister who was analysing her facial expressions and gained control of herself.

"Who told you that I did not move on? Remember Advait, my boyfriend?" reminded Neysa, with a smile playing on her lips.

"We both know that it is just for show, just as your smile, Neysa. Till when would remain lost in his thoughts? I guess it is all my fault. It is because of me that you both met and..."

"Mumma, it is time for my favorite cartoon. Let us go home!" said Rahul, cutting his mother's statement in half.

"I think you should go, Shipra. Trust me, I am fine," assured Neysa, her heart mocking at her for overusing that phrase when it was false. She stood up to make sure that she made Shipra leave.

"But..." Shipra tried to argue but stopped seeing Neysa's pleading expression.

"I will leave for now, but we are having this discussion soon," Shipra said, as she walked out of the room.

Neysa slumped back onto her chair. She pulled one of the drawers of her table to reveal a photo which reflected her teary face. It was the photo clicked at the ramp walk at their last day of secondary high school. What she had thought would vanish away along with his presence, continued to be what influenced her the most in her life.

While she clutched the photo close to her heart and smiled at the memory of being in his arms, the destiny wondered if there was a paradox more complex than in the case of Adhrit Solanki. On one hand he had a person who still loved him without any limits and on the other, he was in love with someone, whom he believed, cared only about the limits which defined him and his position.

"Mohini Thakkar, how many times do I need to tell you to stop taking these anti-depressants? You are taking them for years now," berated Preetika Thakkar, consulting physician of Mohini Thakkar, wife of Adhrit Solanki, since several years.

Mohini had fainted during one of her shoots when her team had called for Preetika. Dizziness, one of the side effects of long-term usage of anti-depressants, had caused her to give up on her consciousness and it did not take Preetika long to diagnose the same.

"You know why I take it and why I cannot stop," replied Mohini, clutching her head which was feeling extremely heavy with her shaky hands as she rested her back against the support.

"You are putting yourself into unnecessary pressure. These pills are causing you to gain weight and eating disorders are following which you cannot afford being a model. You cannot have the opposite ends of the spectrum, Mohini. Why don't you confide this to Adhrit? He has a right to know and I am sure that he would understand without fail," explained Preetika, helping her patient and friend to sip some water to quench her thirst.

"That's whole point, Preetika! He would understand without fail but in his own way. He would not understand my point of view. I remember, he told me once that the reason he fell for me was because my feelings towards him were unconditional and I had no expectations from him like his family. I don't want to take away the basis of his love, Preetika. It's just his love which keeps me going," revealed Mohini, signing to her secretary to bring some wine for herself as she often did when she was distressed but could not take the pills to prevent the overdose.

"Alcohol, anti-depressants, strenuous exercise, sleep-deprivation and crazy schedule. What is this if not the perfect brew to ruin your health. I understand that you don't want to lose him but as your doctor I cannot allow you to take any more of these anti-depressants, Mohini. You must find another way out of this," said Preetika, pouring herself some orange juice as Mohini indulged in the habit she had obtained several years down the lane.

"Love, depression and addiction are like an abyss, Preetika. Once you have fallen in it, there is absolutely no way out if you are the one with weak will and now I don't think I have any will left in me," mused Mohini, swirling the golden liquid in the glass as she eyed the shimmery sky.

Adhrit returned to his home, to silence which had the potential to break his heart more than any word ever could. Everyone would want to have someone to come back home after a tired day of work but all that awaited him was the serene atmosphere, standing up to the name of the residence - Solanki Mansion.

His wife almost never had time for him or their relationship. For years he thought that she wanted to enjoy life to the fullest before she feels the mid-life crisis and takes on her responsibilities but now when the loneliness in his mind pierced his heart like shards of glass which sucked the very emotion which kept people sane: peace. Had she been busy in her profession and that was the reason why she could not spare time for him, he would have been the proudest and the happiest man to understand her situation but he knew that the void she left in his life was to fill the void in someone's life.

The multiple articles he had seen in the magazines with attention-seeking headlines regarding his wife's rendezvous were heartrending and were shattering him on several levels. He just could not bring himself to question about it, blaming his inability to take her verbal rejection on his face, and hence never bothered to confront her expect at the first time he came to see those articles.

Swinging of heart was not an unusual phenomenon to Mohini Thakkar Solanki and Adhrit Solanki was well aware of the inseparable trait of his wife's personality. He had suffered the pangs of pain emanating from jealousy more than once, both before and after marriage but as they say, love is blind. His attachment and his addiction to her had blinded him to an extent where only her presence, even if it was for a brief period, in his life mattered to him more than the pain she caused him. He was ready to forgive every erring of her, given she keeps smiling and stays beside him.

True love which should have been lenifying owing to its purity or the lack of thereof proved to be a poisonous curse in its most lethal form; a poison which eroded him from within slowly yet steadily. He slumped into the luxurious couch with a sigh, hoping for something embalming to his aching heart.

In two months, they would complete eight years of their marriage, he thought, and they had been in a relationship for six years prior to that but still there was a void in his life, which he knew, how to fill. He had loved the idea of having children since he had studied a chapter about Dasharatha's out-of-the-world love towards Ram and various associated stories which spoke about the bliss of being a parent but eight years into their marriage and his wife practically postponed every discussion about children and family planning.

Breaking his reverie, the woman of his thoughts walked in.

"Hello Darling," she said, moving towards him in a tipsy manner, as he sighed that she had taken to wine once again. He had no objection to her satisfying her desire of alcohol once in a while, but her continuous intake of wine was a matter of concern, given the ill side effects of alcohol overdose.

He rose from his seat to receive her, setting aside his thoughts about her drunkenness. She put her arms around him and locked her lips with his in a sensual manner. Normally when she advanced towards him in a suggestive manner, the adrenaline rush would be so intense that he would roll back his eyes in pleasure, but his mental situation hindered his romantic ecstasy.

It took him less than 30 seconds, much less than his usual, to pull out of the kiss and somber up the situation.

"How many times have I told you to not drink everyday, Mohini? It is not good for your health. One of the main reasons for your fluctuating blood sugar levels is this," he objurgated.

"Oh ho! Can you stop being the head of a healthcare company at least at night? I know how to take care of myself," she answered with a pout, almost melting him, masking her melt of the heart which threatened to pour out of her eyes at his expression of concern towards her.

"You know it is for your well-being, don't you? I am afraid that it will ruin your health. It is also said that it affects fertility and the health of the unborn and you know that I wanted to have a child with you as a sign of our love since we entered into a relationship," he said, expressing his heartfelt desire, hoping that she would not set the topic aside.

Mohini's expressions turned from that of pout to severe irritation, almost as if she was fed up of putting up with something hardly bearable. There it was, the reason of putting her health at stake and reprimands from Preetika every time she met her but there was no other way which she could see at the moment as she basked in the beautiful warmth of his concern and showered in bliss of his loving gaze. The concern and love which he possessed in his heart compelled her love to take a step which she knew she would regret.

"Let me make it clear, Adhrit. Till today, I kept quiet thinking that you would understand my hints but today I realized that I need to spell it out for you. I would never have a child in my life," she said, sans any emotion or concern for her husband whose dream of 14 years which he had seen from the innocent eyes of a 15-year-old she had just broken with her words.

She had proven herself to be an actress par excellence on multiple occasions but Mohini knew that it was her most memorable act thus far, after all, her act would drive someone to take the biggest step of their subtly intertwined lives.

"But why? I mean, is there something you haven't told me?" questioned Adhrit, immediately feeling concerned for his wife. His thoughts hinted at an anatomical aspect of her answer as his heart was unable to believe that she had rejected him without a moment of thought.

Mohini clutched her fingers together as she stopped herself from breaking down in front of him as her resolve seemed to bow down to his concern, but could she let her love be defeated in front of his? She couldn't and she was determined to do everything to make her love win.

"Yes. I don't want to have a child because that would ruin my figure. You know the stigma. Post-pregnancy, women are not accepted back into the fashion industry easily. Although that hardly matters, I won't lose the figure people die for to a burden in my body for nine months and life for the rest of my life," she said, disgust and irritation lining her words, ignoring the way hurt flickered in his chocolate orbs.

Devastation would be an understatement to describe Adhrit's mental turbulence. The wife, whose every dream he had made his own and strove to fulfill every desire, had failed to understand the emotional attachment which he had with the dream. Fourteen years of being in a relationship had certainly not helped them in developing an understanding.

"What about my dream?" He asked, an unbelievable expression etched on his face.

The dream - the one pushing her into everything she was trying to run away from.

"I said I don't want to have a child. I will not stop you from having one, Adhrit. For all I care, you can find a surrogate even tomorrow if you want. You can even opt for traditional surrogacy if your heart seeks, against gestational surrogacy. Mind it, I am not speaking under the influence of alcohol. I am speaking my mind," she assured him. Assurances were meant to ease the ache of the heart but Mohini's assurance was the one which pushed the dagger deeper into the heart.

She would not mind even if his child did not carry her genes? Did that mean she would not care even if he cheated behind her? Did she even care for him and love him? Ever?

He questioned himself, standing in front of her like an idol as she looked into the mirror and removed the accessories adorning her, just as she tried to take away the burdens and emotions of her heart but with no avail. At that moment he felt like throwing everything at the mirror and shatter it like his heart did.

Why would she care, he thought? She was decent enough to not be a hypocrite. When she herself chose the company of other men over her husband's, she would not expect her husband to be in love with her as much as he was that he would not even look at other women with the adoration, love, respect and desire which were reserved for her.

That moment, the pent-up frustration was ready to burst, and he was ready to vent.

"Fine then, Mohini. I am going to find one tomorrow. Good night," he announced as he walked out on her.

She stared at his retreating back in surprise, not for his decision but for his tone, which held disgust and frustration, but soon she shrugged and continued with her mid-night beauty treatment to avoid suspicion and his eyes on herself. It was when Adhrit had completely walked out of the sight that the show she had put had finally drawn its curtains.

Mohini collapsed onto her knees, without caring for the hurt she had endured by the fall. The only family she was left with in her life had walked out on her, with disgust and irritation in his heart for her and she did not have anyone else to blame it on but herself and the step she had taken.

She had set out to win the battle of love and she knew that she had already lost so much but she was determined to find that the battle was won by love and the result was her love's happiness.

But would destiny turn the battle into her favor?