I Knew I Loved You

It was already eleven o'clock in the evening when Chase woke up from a depressing nightmare for the third time. Putting a hand on his chest, he tried to calm himself down, and tried to tell himself that it was just a dream and nothing more. Just like he had done so many times in the past few years.

He shifted his eyes from the white, crumpled sheets to the glass window a few meters away from his bed. He hadn’t closed the blinds and now he could see the small dots of different colored lights outside that reminded him he was still in New York. Closing his eyes for a moment after he calmed down, he let out a sigh and stood up, walking towards the annoyingly colossal window. He never hated how big it was before, and perhaps, if he could explain it well, it was the fault of those nightmares constantly reminding him of how small he was. 

Chase stared at the sight before him. It seemed more peaceful and serene than the previous nights. The lights interweaved with the mist as winter came around. Yet, for some reason, Chase's heart wasn't moved at all. His eyes appreciated the lovely scenery, and he knew it should have made him feel at peace. But somehow, he felt nowhere near peace at all.

He couldn't understand it.

The nightmares he had been having lately weren't actually nightmares. Rather, they were a series of vague images that he couldn’t interpret well. He was never good with interpretations.

He would find himself running—chasing after someone—a child around ten years of age. The child had a slim body with a very blurry face. Chase would call out, asking who the child was, why they were running away from him, but the child would just smile at him and start walking away. It was always the same and Chase couldn't help but feel frustrated upon experiencing the same thing over and over again. The nightmares made him feel helpless.

Some nights, it was even worse, and he would find himself depressed over them.

Chase felt bitter to the core when he thought of it. After all, those were just bad dreams. How could they possibly hurt him?

Chase sighed and stared up, his eyes casting over the darkness, and trying to look for stars. There were nights when he felt something was missing, and that only by looking up would he find a little comfort to cover up this inexplicable emotion. For him, the sky was a friend, always there waiting for him after a tough day. 

The empty sky waved to Chase, bravely accompanying his lonely heart though no stars could be found. 

Chase smiled sadly upon seeing it, but then remembered the child in his dreams had once handed him a piece of paper. A few words were written on it:

"Not all empty skies are lonely skies. Sometimes, the skies are just empty because they are preparing for tomorrow's brightest stars."

It was funny how Chase could still recall each word written on that piece of paper. It was even funnier how he managed to read those lines knowing that he was just in a dream.

However, the child was right. Nothing was permanent in this world, after all. Empty skies can be filled too. A night would surely come when stars would appear and spread their brightness all over the once lonely dim sky. 

Could Chase compare that to his lonely heart? Could stars come and fill all the emptiness in his heart too?

Chase felt his chest pound louder at the thought. Somehow, all the emptiness he felt at the moment seemed to empty out further, as if his body was getting ready for the stars to fill it up.

Maybe the child in his dreams was right. Maybe Chase could also hope for his heart to be filled like the sky. Maybe his heart's loneliness would also come to an end and be replaced by overflowing happiness soon.

Soon.

Chase hoped it would happen. 

Chase smiled.

Chase knew, sooner or later, it would.

 

"I told you I was the first one who touched it!' A lady with a pair of furious dark eyes glared at Chase as if he had been her enemy for years.

Chase scoffed and gripped the book he was holding tighter, ready to pull it away from her hand.

"I think you're mistaken. Look, I was the first one who—"

"No! This is mine. So, get your hands off 'my' book!' the lady who looked younger than him, shouted. 

Chase’s jaw slackened at the woman's attitude towards him, and he scanned her from head to toe. From the looks of it, this lady was an ordinary woman with ordinary living expenses and salary living with an ordinary life. Yet something in her eyes told him otherwise. As if everything about this lady wasn't as it seemed at first glance. 

Setting aside that the woman was quite pretty despite her poor fashion tastes, Chase tried to think of a solution. Truth be told, Chase wasn't someone who dealt with things emotionally. He might be a little sentimental when alone but when it came to interacting with other people, most especially with strangers, Chase chose to be rational. Thus, a solution must be thought of to avoid further arguing with this woman.

"Anyway, this is mine.” He heard the lady say after clearing her throat. Chase looked at her in the eyes as she bravely continued, "So…" She was hesitant for a bit, maybe she didn't know what to say. Her eyes suddenly stopped when they landed on Chase's. She blinked twice, putting her hands on her eyes, and rubbing them gently. Then she started to squint as she looked at Chase closer.

"Wait a minute…" she started. Chase raised an eyebrow and unconsciously let go of the book.

"Ah!!! I know you!" the lady said as her dark eyes went wide, and her hand flew to her mouth in shock. 

Chase rolled his eyes and smirked. Yeah, right. The woman would've recognized him by now. Who wouldn't know him, anyway?

He was Chase Dalton, a gorgeous twenty-five-year-old man who had a bunch of awards for his great acting skills. He was also a huge success as a model and song composer, not to mention, he was also in the middle of studying and training as a producer. As a person on top of the entertainment industry, he was literally everyone’s dream to meet in person. His good looks could take anyone's breath away, plus paired with his intelligence—he couldn’t be sexier. It was certainly impossible not to be noticed. Heck, it was even difficult for him to go out in a disguise to avoid being flocked by people.

"Is it really you?!" The woman couldn't contain her excitement as she stared at Chase's face.

Chase cleared his throat and looked away. He just wanted to get a copy of BoatInClouds' “How Stars Shine Bright at Night.” The book was recently published and was adored by many, making it one of the best-selling non-fiction books. Unfortunately, the internet shops no longer had a copy, so he was forced to come to the bookstore physically and buy the book himself.

He found it alone on a bookshelf. He assumed it was the last copy the bookstore had. He was already so very close to heaven when his hand touched the book's cover until another hand landed on it—the woman with dark circles under her eyes. Like a panda. And now the strange woman knew who he was.

"I'm one hundred percent sure!" the woman exclaimed once more.

Chase nodded and closed his eyes. A confident smile started to make its way to his face. Uh-huh, this lady surely recognized him by now. Maybe she would realize how shameful her earlier behavior towards Chase was. 

"I'm really sure of this! OMG!"

Chase nodded again, still with a smile on his face. Maybe he'll just forgive and forget after the woman's apology. That was what Chase usually did in front of the camera anyway, right?

"You were that guy, I swear!"

He kept nodding with a confident smile on his face. But then there weren't cameras or anything in here. So why bother to be nice? Just an apology wouldn't do, he thought.

But then he heard nothing. 

As he opened his eyes, he was welcomed with an empty shelf. There was no apology. There was no book by his favorite author BoatInClouds. And there were no panda eyes to be found, let alone anyone. 

There was no one!

***

Chase was sitting comfortably on the biggest couch the cafe offered. He knew he shouldn't go out whenever he wanted to, but the walls in his apartment had started to suffocate him lately. His manager kept on telling him he should stay inside to be safe from the annoying paparazzi, but it was suffocating. He needed air. So, he decided to go outside and roam around the city. Of course, he put on a cap and a face mask to hide his face.

This was actually the fifth time he’d gone to this cafe. The cafe was small, but they had sweets and coffee good enough for his tastes.

He took a sip of his coffee and pulled out his phone. He lazily read the messages that flashed on the screen.

"Where are you? Darling, why aren't you answering my calls? I miss you. Call me. I know you wanted to meet me too."

He scoffed and gently shook his head. He began to think how unbelievable women around him could be. As it turned out, the annoying messages came from one person: Veronica. The girl who thought Chase really loved her. Little did she know that Chase was only affectionate to her when the lights and cameras were focused on them. In all honesty, things in this industry must not be taken too personally. Pairings could be dictated by strangers and love relationships could be manipulated. It was surely a life where one's mentality toward such things must be practiced and thoroughly controlled. 

If one failed to do so, one would suffer from the consequences, which would only hurt themselves.

Veronica wasn't some stranger to Chase. At least, they had a good relationship when the cameras were on. However, this did not mean he would date her for real as the people around them wanted them to do. 

It never occurred to Chase to engage with matters that would require intimacy and openness. 

Funny how women always clung to him after he worked with them, be it in a movie or just a simple photoshoot. Not that he was completely uninterested. He did date when he felt like it. There were days when he suddenly felt he wanted to have someone by his side. The days when he was emotionally drained or empty…and the days when he couldn't stop thinking about someone. Someone he didn't even know the name of. Someone whose face he didn't even know. Someone he hadn't even met yet. 

Damn it.

He gritted his teeth as thoughts of the child in his dreams came to his mind again. Creepy enough, the child in his dreams seemed to grow with time. But despite feeling disturbed with this most of the time, he was always intrigued and there were days when he actually felt something other than sadness or anger at the child's presence. It was as if the child was leading him to something he should and must know. Like the child had reasons for Chase to finally understand things he had never understood before.

Chase let out a deep sigh. He was exhausted just thinking about the child in his dreams. 

He stared at the slice of strawberry cake in front of him while his mind wandered again to the child. But then all of that vanished when suddenly he heard an oddly familiar voice.

"Hmmm, this one…and this. Oh!! This, this! I want this, too!" 

Chase turned around only to see a woman at the counter, eyes shining brightly as she happily pointed out different cake slices that were displayed. She was wearing a yellow flower-patterned dress. She had slightly curly black hair that looked soft and smooth despite being tied up high in a ponytail. Even though Chase could only see her from the side, he somehow felt he knew her.

He waited for the woman to turn around completely, and when she did, Chase almost felt his heart stopped beating. The woman didn’t seem to notice his presence as she turned in different directions looking for a seat. 

Chase snapped out of his sudden reverie and decided to turn his focus away from the woman.

But then he felt a presence beside him. He closed his eyes and cursed silently. He was screwed.

"Ah! It's you! You're here too. What a coincidence!" the woman exclaimed in a high-pitched voice. Even though Chase tried to cover his face with his hand, he knew he couldn't hide anymore. It was too late.

"I can't believe it. I never thought we'd meet again. Ah, do you like the cakes they sell here too? I really love their strawberry cake. It's the best in the country!" the woman said with so much happiness in her voice.

Chase found it annoying. Well, who could it be if not the woman from the bookstore?

He could still remember what exactly happened on that day…

Flashback — 2 Weeks Ago When Chase opened his eyes, he was left with nothing but a bookshelf. Heaving in and out, he could not believe such a person would do this to him!

How shameless! Didn't she know Chase? How could she dare disappear while he was still talking, and with that book too! 

No matter how he thought about it, Chase felt humiliated. To be a joke, and on top of that, to a stranger, made Chase clench his fists. He was about to walk to the security room where he hoped to capture the little thief through CCTV when suddenly, a hand grabbed his arm.

"Umm, excuse me."