Scarred by Love

He was there one second and gone the next.

Amidst the mad rush of the cafe, I was frozen with a tray of cookies in my hand. The noise, the chatter, and the movements around me blurred into a distant vision.

My world stood still.

The face that haunted me every night, the face that made me want to hide under my covers in the dark, the face that gave a new meaning to fear in my life. He was here.

The deafening silence that had me wrapped me in a vacuum gradually dwindled away. A loud sound cut through to me, bringing my surroundings back into focus.

"Zuri, hey."

"Zuri?"

Someone was touching my arm, waving their hand before my eyes.

"Are you all right?" I heard her ask. Her voice rose above the pounding sound in my ears.

I blinked, realising that the sound was my own heart racing and hammering wildly in my chest.

"Zuri?" She held me by my shoulders and shook me.

Then something snapped in my head, bringing me out of the maze of thoughts in my mind.

"Huh?" I looked around frantically, trying to find that face in the crowd again.

"Where is he?" I murmured, moving around the people, pushing through, and registering the different faces in my mind. "He was here. I saw him."

"Zuri, what's wrong?" she asked, following me around. "You have gone so pale."

Where is he? Where is he?

"Zuri, stop." She pulled me back firmly by my arm. "What happened?"

I stopped and turned around to face her.

He was not here. I had gone around the whole cafe. He was nowhere to be seen.

I must have imagined it all.

Maybe I was mistaken. He had appeared and then vanished into the crowd within a few seconds. Maybe it was my paranoia again. He was not here. He could not be here.

It's definitely my paranoia. It has to be.

"You're scaring me now," she said.

I blinked and realised that it was Elisha.

She held both my hands in hers, squeezing them comfortingly. Her worried eyes stared back at me anxiously, as she waited for me to say something.

"I-I am fine," I said, clearing my throat. "I'm sorry for worrying you."

"Zuri, are you serious? You were standing frozen in the middle of the cafe. Your face was white like you'd seen some ghost. What happened?" she asked.

I took in a deep breath and then smiled at her. "It was a misunderstanding. Nothing happened, I promise."

"Misunderstanding?" She frowned.

"I'm fine, don't worry," I said, giving her my best reassuring smile. "Let's get back to work, okay?"

She seemed unconvinced but slowly nodded. "Fine."

She let go of my hands and made her way back to the counters.

I sighed and allowed myself to gather up all my thoughts for a moment.

I was definitely mistaken.

With this belief, I exhaled deeply and followed Elisha.

When I got back to my place behind the counters, I looked down at my empty hands.

Where is the cookie tray?

Just as I was about to go looking for it, I saw Elisha holding it. She had probably taken it from my hands.

Although I had snapped out of my daze and understood that I had only imagined him being here, I was still not able to get back into the flow of rapidly going through all the orders that were coming in.

I resigned myself into a corner behind the counters, hidden from people's view.

I did not blame myself for my brain and body shutting down. I could never do that because I knew that no matter how much I overreacted, it would still not be enough. The horror laced with the idea of him ever being here was real.

For an entire year, I had been in hiding. I had left my home, my city, and my life to embrace this new identity. I had changed my hair, my eye color, my style, my clothes, and everything else that he might remember about me.

He could not be here. He could not find me. Because if he ever did, then it would be my death sentence. He would not spare me. My life would be over. Everything would be over.

Even for them.

I shook my head to clear away the thoughts, shuddering at even the mere speck of imagination of that scenario.

"He's not here," I told myself, reaffirming the belief to stabilize myself to be able to work again.

Sighing, I realised that my hand was subconsciously stroking the small tattoo on my arm. The tattoo that was my strength and my hope.

I touched the tattoo with two fingers and then brought them to my lips for a light kiss. "I wish I was as strong as you."

With determination, I clenched my fists and walked over to the counter to take orders again.

Wearing a bright smile, I took down a new order and prepared it as fast as I could.

"Here you go," I said.

The customer, who was a regular here, smiled and gave me a small salute. "Thank you, Zuri."

I laughed and waved him off.

My elbow touched the tissue stand and knocked it off the counter.

"Great," I muttered, bending down to pick up the fallen tissues, a little glad that there were no customers waiting to be served.

As I finished picking up the last tissue, I realised that another customer had come up to place an order.

"Good afternoon, what would you like today?" I asked, quickly standing up.

I placed the tissue stand back in its place and smiled at the customer. "Our special today is–"

The rest of the words got caught in my throat, mixing with the screams that died down there.

Terror shot through my blood like a razor blade.

I found myself stepping back, stumbling over my own feet.

My eyes never left his. He had seen me, and I had seen him.

As I moved back, I hit myself on various objects, knocking a few things down in the process.

I could not breathe. My heart pounded at an inhuman rate, and my gut twisted and knotted.

I saw his forehead creasing into a frown. He was saying something, but I could not make out what. I was moving far away from him.

I stumbled into the kitchen and hastily locked the door behind me.

My shaking knees gave way, and I sank to the floor. My hands trembled as his eyes still vividly stared back at me in my mind.

I tried to breathe but couldn't. My chest heaved. My ears rang.

He's here.

He found me.

Now he'll kill me.

Breathe. 

Breathe. 

My chest heaved with every breath. 

He didn't recognise you. 

My fingers tightened around Ira's arm as I squeezed it tightly. 

I was not alone with him. There were people here. Many of them. 

"It's okay, it's okay," said Ira, rubbing my back gently. 

He did not recognize me. He only seemed confused because of my reaction. He did not realise it was me. 

"Take in deep breaths," said Ira, "we are here with you." 

If he had recognised me, then he would not have wasted even a second to do what he needed to do. I would not be here right now. 

"Drink some water." Jace handed me an uncapped bottle.

My throat was parched from crying and my head was slightly dizzy. 

With a trembling hand, I reached for the bottle. 

I tilted my head a little, letting the cool liquid travel down my throat. The touch of the water was like an electrifying shock that activated all my senses again. 

My mind dropped down to reality from amidst the clouds of doom that it had been swaying in. 

He was here. There was no denying it. But…he did not find me here. He saw me but did not recognize me. And that made all the difference. I was still safe for now. 

I handed the bottle back to Jace and realised how tensed he and Ira were. In the fit of my breakdown, I had uttered a few things which were normal for me but were not normal for Ira and Jace. 

I must have terrified them to their wits' end.

They did not know about my past, and they had no idea about the horrifying secrets I was hiding. They were completely clueless about the demons I was hiding from. 

I had calmed down a little now. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Ira. 

I was surprised that she was still composed and relatively calm. I had told them both that he had found me and now he was going to kill me. This was the only thing that I had uttered but I had done so repeatedly. 

I was grateful that they had gotten over their shock this quickly and were not harassing me to answer their questions of who, what, where, how, etc. 

No, Ira and Jace were not those kinds of people. They were sensible, kind, and understanding. That's why they had not let me shatter during my breakdown. They had held me and calmed me down. They had given me the comforting touch that saved me from losing my sanity. They had brought me back to reality. 

"I'm sorry," I said, shaking my head. "I had a panic attack." 

Ira and Jace exchanged a look but nodded together with smiles on their faces. 

"It's all right, Zuri," said Ira. 

I gave her a weary smile, thanking her in my mind for conveniently ignoring the big issue in the room. They knew, as well as I knew, that what I had was not just a panic attack. There was more to the picture than what we all acknowledged. 

"Hey," I said, "Can I take the rest of the day off today?" 

Ira nodded. "Of course. And Jace can drop you off at home." 

"Yes, come on," said Jace, standing up and offering his hand for me to take. 

I accepted his hand and stood up. "Thank you." 

"Don't worry about it." He smiled and removed his apron. 

Meanwhile, Ira fetched my bag for me. 

I removed my apron and handed it to her. She gave me a quick hug and a pat on the back before waving us off.

As per my request, Jace and I left through the back door, and he led me to his car. 

"Where do you live?" he asked once we were seated in the car and had worn our seatbelts. 

I told him the address and guided him along the way, drifting in and out of the thoughts dominating my mind. A hundred questions nagged me.

What if he had recognized me and was simply pretending he had not? 

No, that would not make any sense. He would finish me off at the first chance. He would not play silly mind games and waste his time on me. 

I brushed away those thoughts and forced myself to think rationally about the already established issues at hand right now. 

I was going to safely assume that he had not recognized me. But now, going forward, would I see him again? If he had come to the cafe today, then there was a fair chance that he would visit again. And if he did, if I was able to hold myself up well and not react to his presence again, would the mere fact of seeing me again and again somehow trigger his memory? Would he put the pieces together and guess that I was the person he was trying to find? Would he see through my disguise and new persona? 

"We're here," said Jace, pulling into my driveway. 

I unbuckled my seatbelt and gave him a grateful smile. "Thank you, Jace. I'll see you tomorrow." 

"You're most welcome." He smiled back. "Take care." 

I nodded and bid him goodbye. 

As he pulled out of the driveway and drove away, I sighed deeply. 

How had this day taken such a drastic turn? 

I let myself into the house and it was obvious that no one was home. Mom and Dad were still at work. 

I locked the door behind me, kicked off my shoes, and headed upstairs to my room. 

Right next to my room was another room. The door was closed.

I stopped in front of it, wrapping my arms around myself as tears pricked my eyes. 

I glanced sideways at the empty hallway. "I can't tell Mom and Dad about today. Not until I'm sure that we are under threat again."

Then I headed inside my room and crashed on the bed. 

It was time to think and plan.