Shattered: The Rising

It's been three months since I left Carter, my team, friends, and family behind to train with my dad. I haven’t had any contact with my family or friends. It kills me being away from them, especially Carter. I miss him the most but going away was the right choice. There was no way anyone back at the manor would have been prepared for what happened when I first got to the cabin.

The first week at the cabin I ended up going full blown dark chick. If my dad didn’t have his own dark magic, I would have killed him. I was on a thin balance on the razor’s edge of darkness, and I ended up falling hard. For a moment, I thought the darkness had won. I had unleashed the monster that was clawing at my insides to get out, to be free, and it was for a time. I finally got a handle on it.

For a week, I looked like I did in the Enchantress’s vision. I had black eyes, and black spider veins all over my body. My skin was pale. I looked like a damn demon. It was terrifying and it made me glad that I had left my team behind. I could have killed them; they were no match for me. Avery and Carter stood even less of chance than the others because they were human. I was a monster, but I had to let the monster out in order to tame it.

Travis is amazing. We’ve gotten really close. I trust him, and he has helped me so much. I don’t know what I would do without him. Travis knew exactly how to handle me when I was at my worst. I was so unstable. He also knows how to help in ways I know the others can’t.

Kenzie was a great teacher. She helped get me started with learning how to master my magic, but she would have never been able to help with my dark magic. She was good at light magic. Everyone at the manor was good at light magic, but none of them knew how to handle dark magic. Only Travis could help me with this because he has purely dark magic, and he knew how to control it. Not many people who have pure dark magic can control it, but thankfully Travis could, which made him one of the strongest dark warlocks in the world.

Dark magic is different. It’s dangerous, unstable, unpredictable, and can consume a person's soul without much effort. The reason it’s so dangerous and illegal in the magic world is because it's incredibly hard to control. Dark magic feeds off fear, desire, hate, anger, and any dark emotion one can have. Light magic is the opposite. It feeds off positive emotion and is much easier to control.

Almost all witches and warlocks are born with light magic. Only a few are born with dark magic. Usually, they come from the Enchantress’s bloodline like my dad and me. Some try to master dark magic even if they aren’t born with it. Some of us are naturally drawn to the darkness while others the light. Then you have those like me who are in the middle. I’m drawn to both light and dark, some days I favor one over the other, but the problem with dark magic is it can take over you so much faster than light magic can. I’m impressed with Travis; he has pure dark magic and yet he can control it like it’s nothing.

I plop down on a rock that overlooks a waterfall and river. Luna is with me. This place is so peaceful, and there is always a light wind that blows through it. In this spot, I can clear my mind, organize my thoughts, and begin to heal my fragile mind.

No one knows the hell it has been dealing with the internal war inside of me. Light and dark are mortal enemies. When you have both inside of you, it’s torture. Some days I don't know which side will win. It’s hard, but I’m so much stronger because of it.

When I first started learning how to control my magic, I didn’t feel so strong. I was unsure of myself. I had been in my own bubble for so long that coming out of it scared me. Then I got control of it and my confidence built up. When my dark magic awoke in me, I went back to feeling like that scared little girl who couldn’t handle her shit. But I realized I wasn't that little girl anymore. I had grown up. I was able to face my fear that I would never be good enough.

I found myself through the darkness. I realized how strong I was and that’s what helped me gain control over my dark magic. I was tired of being that scared little girl, tired of not believing in myself. I came to the conclusion that others can’t believe in me if I don't believe in myself. Through this experience I’ve learned so much about myself, and I’ve come out the other side much stronger than before.

Don’t get me wrong I still have my days where I lack confidence. Some days I go back to the scared little girl. I’ll beat myself up with negative talk. The difference now is that I know how to get myself out of that frame of mind. Before I didn't know how to do that, but now I do, and it makes a huge difference.

Every day I train with my dad and every night we try to find a way to save my mom, but we aren't having much luck. We have sifted through ancient books and gone all over the world looking for a way to save her. We have gone to endless ancient orders, secret societies, and even time traveled to the past, but found nothing. My dad refuses to give up, and I admire his commitment to my mom. I would love to see the three of us reunited, but I don't know if that can happen.

The turmoil inside is overwhelming, and my heart hates that I’m not with Carter. I wanted to check in on him, but I haven't gathered the courage to do so. I thought that if I saw him, I would want to go home, and I’m not sure I’m ready to go yet. I still have a lot to learn and mastering my dark side is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be.

The only thing I did do was check on them through a crystal ball, which required me to use my dark magic. At first, I was doing it for training because it takes extreme control and concentration to use a crystal ball. We use them for many reasons, but the main reason is to see what others are doing. I got the idea to look in on my team and family, but I wish I never had. They were super pissed that I left, not that I could blame them. I’d be mad too if I was in their shoes. Maybe they would be less mad if I had talked to them before I left and said a proper goodbye instead of leaving with just a note.

I checked on Kenzie and Jason. Jason was pissed when he found out I was gone, and that I left with Travis. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jason curse so much. It was an endless string of curse words at my dad. Jason really didn’t like my dad. Hello family drama! I'm sure Jason is going to give my dad hell when we finally return to the manor.

Vivian, on the other hand, seemed to be the only one who really understood why I left. Hell, my grandmother defends me at every turn. She calms the others down and has put Jason in his place many times over. I don’t know why she is on my side, but she is. Maybe it’s because she knows all about having to get away from everything to clear your head and find yourself.

That’s what I’m doing. I’m finding myself all over again, or maybe it’s more like improving myself, and adapting to the changes that have come my way. I haven’t always been good at accepting change. I know I wasn’t when my mom died or was taken. I still haven’t wrapped my head around that yet. Either way, I’m trying to be better at accepting change because I’ve realized that not all change is bad.

Having my magic awaken was a good change, and finding my real family was also a good change. However, with all the good changes there have been some concerning ones, like finding out about the Enchantress and finding a way to save my mom.

After some time to think and process I walk back to the cabin, and find my dad scooping us some chili into bowls with corn bread. I have no idea how, but my dad can cook. Not quite as good as Jason, but hell, it was still pretty good.

“Hello, Little Bird,” my dad greets me with a smile.

I sit down as he puts the steaming bowl of chili in front of me with some cornbread. My dad sits on the other side of the table with his bowl.

“I think you should head to bed early tonight. We have a lot to do tomorrow with training.”

“Okay,” I reply.

Whenever my dad said I needed to go to bed early, it meant that the next day I was going to be letting the monster out to play. Sometimes I feel like I have two people inside of me.

“I think in another month you will be able to go back to your team. You’ve made amazing progress, Little Bird.” My dad loves to compliment me. I think he’s making up for lost time.

“I don’t know, Dad. I just don’t want to hurt them. I’d never be able to live with myself if I hurt one of them, or worse, killed one of them. I just don’t know if I’m strong enough yet.”

“You can’t run forever, Little Bird. You’re scared, and I get it. I spent most of my life a loner, and I regret that so much. I didn’t have friends like you do. If it wasn’t for your mother, I don’t think I would have ever come out of my shell. You have friends, family, and Carter. You have a lot more than I ever did. You can get through this.”

“You make it sound so easy,” I say as I roll my eyes.

My dad loves to give me these little pep talks. Almost every night I get one. Some nights I’m responsive to them, but tonight isn’t one of those nights. Tonight, I don’t want to hear about the battle I have to fight every damn day. I don’t want to think about my friends, family, and my love that I left behind because I was an unstable freak who couldn't seem to keep her shit together. Tonight, I want to forget everything.

“Emmy Rose Caine, do not roll your eyes at me.”

Yes, I have changed my name to take on my real father’s last name. I am a Caine not a Chase and I don’t think I’ve ever been so damn happy about anything in my life.

“No daughter of mine is going to act like a brat. You have a team to lead, and you can’t be acting like this.” Travis has fully embraced his role as my father.

Travis puts William to shame as a father. He’s acted more like my father in the three months I’ve lived with him than William did in four years. Maybe it is because Travis is my real father and William was just a poor substitute. Maybe William knew deep down that I wasn’t his kid. It doesn’t matter anymore. Travis and I fixed William, Sam, and Tori’s memories. They don't even know I exist, and I prefer it that way.

“Yes, Dad,” I say in a leave-me-alone tone.

My dad gives me a look that means I better drop the attitude real soon if I don’t want him to dish out some punishment. I watch my dad run his hand down his face. This gesture means he is losing his patience with me. I shift in my seat.

“Sorry Dad. I sometimes still struggle with self-doubt. I’m still adjusting to everything. So much has changed and all these new things are taking a toll on me. There’s so much I’m not used to. I know I have to lead, but it’s hard to lead when I’ve been a lone wolf. I know I’m slowly breaking away from that, but sometimes it all feels like too much, like I’m trying to keep my head above water, so I don’t drown.”

Travis sighs.

“I get it, Emmy, I do, but you have to try. You have a lot on your shoulders, more than any seventeen going on eighteen-year-old should. It takes time to break old habits and form new ones. None of what you are dealing with is easy. Believe me, if I could take this on for you I would. I hate that you can’t be a normal teenager, that you have to do hard things that might destroy you. None of this is easy and I will do everything in my power to make it easier for you, but you have to try, Emmy. You have to go back to your team. They need you. They aren’t a team without you. You know it, they know it, and I know it. Sometimes it seems like you take one step forward and then two steps backwards. You have to keep pushing forward. You can’t afford to go backwards. I hate to say it, but weakness isn’t an option for you, not right now. Not with the Enchantress out there waiting to steal your soul and heart.”

“You don’t think I don’t know any of that? I do. I’m trying, but sometimes my demons seem too big and too scary to control.”

“I know. I get it. The balance is hard to keep, but you can do it. You’ve come so far in three months. I believe in you, Emmy.” My dad smiles at me.

I nod my head. He is right. I have to stop trying to run from my fate and embrace it with open arms. I have to push forward even if it sometimes feels impossible. I have to believe in myself and trust that I can do this. I know I’m strong, and I know I can face this. I need to push through the doubt, the negative thoughts, and be the hero I was born to be. I have to face my demons, tame the monster, and come out on top. It’s not going to be easy, but I’ve come so far already. I can do this even if it totally shatters me. I will do whatever I have to do in order to fulfill my destiny.

It has been over three months since Emmy just disappeared into the night like a thief. No one has been able to find her. The Reapers have been looking for her and so have The Warriors, but neither organization has had any luck finding her. Emmy has hidden herself well, wherever the hell she is. I’m angry that she left. I don’t understand why she had to leave. How were we supposed to be a team with a member missing, and not just any member, but our damn leader?

I’ve found a mountain that I like to ride up to with my bike. I park my bike and look over the scenery. It brings me peace on days like this where I’m so angry and upset at Emmy. We are all mad that she left. I replay that moment in my head—when I picked up that forsaken note that said she was leaving, and why she had to leave.

My heart sank. I thought it shattered just a little that day. It has shattered even more every day that Emmy was missing, gone like a leaf that was blown away by the wind. I lost it that night. I worked out all my anger on the punching bag in the manor’s training room.

Ryan was furious for a different reason. He didn’t take kindly to his supposed leader abandoning the team. Bex and Brie were at a loss for words over their cousin leaving. Alice was upset and pissed at Emmy. Avery didn’t have much to say other than she didn’t know how the team was going to stick together without Emmy.

But even with Emmy gone, we have stuck together. We train harder every day, and we are pretty damn comfortable with each other's fighting styles. We have a system, and it works. We’ve even been on a few missions that we took over for The Reapers and The Warriors. We’ve kicked ass every time too. We have grown as a team even if our leader is missing.

Emmy claimed she had to leave to get her dark magic under control, that she was unstable. Maybe she was, but still, she left without saying goodbye, and that stung like a thousand bees. I was supposed to be her soulmate, the love of her life, and yet she left me.

I’ve dumped plenty of girls in my time, but I've never had someone dump me. I know Emmy didn’t dump me. We’re still together, or I guess we are. I don’t really know because I haven't been able to talk to her about it. Maybe that’s what frustrates me the most—that I can’t even talk to her about what’s going on with her, the team, or us.

Emmy has promised she will come back, but she didn’t know how long she would be gone. Part of me wants her to come back, to hold her, kiss her, and screw her brains out; but the other part of me wants her to stay as far away from me as possible. I’m wounded that she didn’t tell me what was going on with her. Does she not trust me?

I was not the same man she left over three months ago. I have hardened, become stronger, wiser, braver than I ever was before. I’ve killed with my guns, the only true reliable things I have in my life. Sure, I have the team and they are great. We are all really close now. Emmy leaving brought us closer together. Maybe it was our anger at her or something else. I don’t know, but we are a tight knit group now. A strong team.

When Emmy comes home, if she ever comes back home, she is going to have a rude awakening. I’m not the same and neither is the team. I can only assume that Emmy has changed as well, which makes me nervous for when she does come home. I have to wonder if things will change between us since we won’t be the same people. Can our love handle such change?

I hop on my bike and head back to the manor. I love riding my bike. Normally I take rides with Bex and Ryan, but sometimes I just need to clear my head on my own. They understand because they do the same thing. I normally need a ride on my bike after a mission, especially one that involves killing. I need to process it on my own.

Besides, I know Bex likes to spend time with Avery. Ryan, well, he is trying to figure out his feelings for Brie. Alice is another story. She's been off doing her own thing with some secret lover. Hell, sometimes I feel like I’m the only single guy in the damn manor. Except I’m not single. I have a girlfriend who went missing months ago, and no one has heard from her or seen her.

Sure, Ryan is technically single, but I know he gets around even while he is trying to figure out how he feels about Brie. Even if Ryan and Brie get together, they have to figure out if they are soulmates, which could add complication to any relationship. I don’t know if they are soulmates, and neither do they. It’s for them to figure out and for me not to worry about because I have my own relationship to figure out…if you can call it that when you haven't heard from your girlfriend in over three months.

I park my bike in the garage and then join everyone out back on the patio. Ryan passes me a beer. One perk about the magic world is they don’t give a shit about age when it comes to drinking. Most witches and warlocks start drinking at twelve, they can even buy their own liquor at sixteen. Plus, they have some awesome stuff that isn't available in the human world. Bex, Ryan, and Alice are all drinking beer with me while Avery and Brie are drinking wine.

“How was your ride, man?” Ryan asks as he takes a swig of his beer.

“Good,” I reply.

“How do you do it, Carter?” Alice asks me.

I give her a confused look. I don’t know what she is talking about.

“I mean with Emmy missing, how do you keep it together?” Alice asks.

Alice never brings up Emmy except for when she is tipsy. Alice hates talking about Emmy most of the time, but tonight it would seem that the alcohol had won.

“I don’t half the time. Why do you think I’m constantly training, taking my bike for rides, or pounding the shit out of my drums?”

I take a swig of my beer. Bex, Ryan, and I often play together. Bex plays the guitar, and Ryan plays the bass. It relaxes us and gives us something to bond over.

“I wonder where Emmy is,” Brie says mostly to herself.

“Who the hell knows,” Ryan answers. “She’s impossible to find. Two of the best organizations in our world can’t find her ass. For all we know she ran off and joined the Enchantress.”

“I doubt that. She is with her dad. That’s what the letter said.” Avery defends Emmy every time she comes up.

This was where we normally start to argue about where Emmy is and how we feel about her leaving. I can't stand it when this happens. I hate arguing over Emmy. It’s just another reminder that she is gone.

“Can we not start this again?” Bex asks. Bex is the voice of reason in the group. “Emmy is gone and talking about her doesn’t bring her back. We are all upset that she left, and that’s that. Let’s just leave it alone for once.”

“I agree with Bexton on this. I don’t feel like talking about Emmy,” I say in a bitter tone as I down half my beer.

The rest of the team agrees to drop the topic and move on to our next mission. We have to take out a group of rogue witches that are causing problems in a small town out west. By the time we all head up to crash for the night I’m still in a bad mood. I take a shower and flop on my bed. I have my drum sticks in my hands, and when I tap them together the sound relaxes me, but sometimes I still need a sleeping potion from Bex or Brie.

I’ve had a hard time sleeping at night since Emmy left. The first week I tossed and turned worrying about her, but then the worry turned to anger. Some nights I missed her like hell, and other nights I was so pissed I hoped she never came back. Some nights I prayed that when I woke up, she would be downstairs in the dining room looking so beautiful, and ready for me to ravage her. I want her to beg for forgiveness because I’m not going to give it to her so easily. I want to run my hands over her creamy skin, and through her dark chocolate hair. I want her dark blue eyes staring at me like I’m the only thing that matters in her world.

Bexton walks up to me, and hands me a bottle of dark blue liquid. I thanked him and then downed the bottle. The lights turned off and the three of us went to sleep. Tomorrow would be a day of training, and planning for our mission. We had to take out the rogue witches within the week. They were causing too many problems, and they risked revealing the magical world. I considered myself lucky because I now belonged to two worlds. I cared about both of them, but not everyone could handle the fact that another world existed within the human one.