Sin of Love

Promises. I fucking hate that word. All my life promises gave me pain. If I only used my brain, I wouldn't be in this situation. I wouldn't be in hell for so many years. I wouldn't be hurt. I wouldn't be battered.

There were things in life that changed. There were things in life that would change me.

Nothing was permanent.

Even love would fade.

I never thought that love would ruin me. I never thought that the man I loved dearly would hurt me until I bled.

The only man that I thought would stand by me was the reason why I was hurting and still hurting. All this time, I was broken by him.

False hope…that’s the right way to describe it.

I shrugged the thoughts off and shook my head. I smiled bitterly as the memories came flashing in my head, then I asked myself. Why wasn't it fading? Why am I still hurting? When would I forget the memories?

"You're crying again?"

I wiped my tears instantly when I heard Nanny Belen's soothing voice. I looked in her direction and saw pity in her eyes. She even tapped my shoulder and offered her handkerchief to me.

Nanny Belen was like a guardian to me. I was ten years old when my mother died because of cancer. My father was nowhere to be found because I was the product of a one-night stand. But Nanny Belen took care of me and treated me like her own kid.

My life was painful. It seemed that I caught all the unwanted things that life could offer.

"I am just sad, Nay," I said and hugged her tight.

"Everything has a reason, Sofia," Nanny Belen answered. I could feel the pain in her voice. I knew she was hurting too, seeing me like this.

"I know. But—"

She cut me off and shook her head.

"Change your clothes now and be prepared. Fausto will call you later. There will be a dinner with his investors," Nanny said.

I felt a sudden rush. My senses were awakened. I desperately tried to calm myself down and looked at Nanny Belen after I released her from the hug.

Fausto was expecting a visitor. He said it was his investors. I was not actually interested, or even thinking about it. But because Fausto told me about the dinner, I felt afraid to say no. I knew he would get mad if I declined. He was like a devil reincarnated.

Fausto is my husband. We’ve been married for five years. Five years of hurting and crying.

I was young when I married him. I was vulnerable and broken, which was the only reason I agreed to marry him. And it was the only thing that I regretted because marrying him was like hell.

"I will leave you now, Sofia." She handed me a black dress.

I nodded and took the dress from her. I sighed and watched her leaving. I was all alone again. The loneliness of my room made my heart hurt.

I should be used to it, but no. I am still aware of everything. I am still not numb.

***

"Where is Sofia? Why is she still not here?" I heard Fausto shriek. I could imagine his mad face. He was always like this. He was always mad when it came to me, which confused me.

Fausto was my former employer. He was a haciendero from the province. He owned half of the land in San Vicente. He was powerful and wealthy. He controlled his people and everything. He also controlled me, which was odd because I was once his favorite scholar. He cared for me once. He gave me shelter and sent me to school.

But that was a long time ago.

Everything changed. Everything was ruined. And it was all because of that one man.

I shook my head and tried to compose myself. I saw Fausto at the edge of the grand staircase, waiting for me. He instantly smiled upon seeing me, which made me want to roll my eyes at him. But I suppressed myself. I flashed a fake smile instead.

"You're late. I've been waiting for you." Fausto kissed me when I reached him. "You know I don't like to wait," he whispered.

I nodded to his remarks while he grabbed my arm and held it tight. It hurt, but I couldn't do anything. Fausto took something special from me. It was so special that I was willing to take the risk and live in hell, just so I could protect it. It was the only reason I was still breathing.

"Let's go!" Fausto said and pulled me near him. We walked out of the mansion. He was in a hurry. We walked directly to the garden in the back.

As we reached the spot, Fausto's visitors were already eating. It wasn't just his business partners. They were all familiar to me because they were the Guerreros, a family of politicians in our province.

It wasn't just a normal dinner. It was some sort of a family dinner.

I looked at them one by one. My heart hurt when the realization hit me. It hurt as I figured it out and saw Aria and her family. Her brother was also present. And I was not so dumb that I couldn’t figure out what was about to happen.

"Aria, hija. Did you call Zeus again?" Aria's mom asked.

I looked at Aria's mom. My heart hurt even more as it beat faster when I heard his name. How could his name still affect me after so many years? Some people forgot about it already. I am the only one that still holds the memories. I am still the loser that couldn't move on.

"Sorry, I'm late!"

My body froze while all the people at the table looked up. I looked too, and my heart stopped when I saw the man standing proudly a few meters away from us. He was eyeing us one by one, but when his eyes met mine, he stopped. His stare made my knees shake and made my heart pound even more.

"It's been a while," he said while his eyes were still on me. His jaw clenched.

Yes. It has been a while. Six years had passed but nothing changed for me. I was still vulnerable. My heart was still aching.

I felt Fausto wrap his arm around my waist. My mind seemed shut because of Zeus and his eyes.

For the past few years that he was gone, I never forgot him. I never did. My heart just couldn't. And tonight, I knew it wouldn't be the same anymore.

I hoped someone would save me from drowning. I hoped that someone would take away the pain that I was feeling. Because we already finished everything. Because we already ended everything a long time ago.

The night ended so fast. Well, at least for me. I knew that I was the only one who didn't belong at that dinner.

After we ate, I abruptly went to my room and lay down on the bed. I thought about so many things that I couldn't undo.

My heart kept on bleeding because of those memories from the past. They were still inside my heart.

I asked myself why I was not like those people who could forget easily? Why was I still holding those memories?

I really admired people who took everything as a challenge and took on new beginnings even though they hurt big time.

But I was not like them. People were different. Maybe I was still stuck to those memories because they were special to me. But I was tired. My heart and my soul were tired.

When I looked at Zeus at dinner, I saw how meaningless I was to him. It seemed that he didn't care for me at all. It seemed that my presence wasn't important to him anymore. But still, I wanted to know why. Why did he leave? Why did he break me into pieces and treat me like trash? Why did he hurt me?

I am sad and broken. I pitied myself so much and blamed myself for ending like this but, I couldn't turn back time.

If I could only turn back time, I wouldn't do the same.

But I could only be the same girl as before. I knew it was impossible. I couldn't undo things. I could only remember those memories and get hurt again. These memories brought me so much pain.

(Flashback) December 2013

"What happened to you? Why are you so dirty?" Nanny Bellen asked as I entered the kitchen. She was busy preparing food, but she managed to look at me. She said that Hacienda Vergara was expecting a visitor, the child of Don Fausto from America.

I licked my lower lip and pouted when Nanny Belen pinched me on my waist. I sighed and sat down in the vacant chair in front of her abruptly.

I was not that dirty, actually. My hair was disheveled, and my uniform creased because of a fight with Helga, but I still looked fine.

Helga was getting on my nerves. Her boyfriend courted me when they broke up, and she got mad. She said things out of the blue that fueled my anger. In the end, I punched her. I also punched her boyfriend/cheater, Joshua.

"Got in a fight at school, Nanny. They're the ones who approached me first," I lied. I also made my face pitiful to convince her. Sometimes, it was better to lie because explaining was hard for me.

I pouted once more and looked at Nanny again. I knew she wasn't convinced. She just looked at me unbelievably and shook her head. I even heard her heavy sigh, but I knew she loved me. She spoiled me from the start.

"I don't really know about you, Sofia. You act like an Amazona. Your mom wasn't like that. She was kind and polite and very outspoken," she stated.

I rolled my eyes at Nanny. It was my habit, but it didn't mean I disrespected her. "So, why is it that I was born without a father, Nanny? What am I, a gift from heaven?" I asked sarcastically.

I chuckled lightly when I saw Nanny Belen's eyes widen. I abruptly got out of the chair and ran as fast as I could. I knew I hit the boundary. I knew I shouldn't have said things like that, but I just couldn't help it.

I went directly to our barn. It was located behind the mansion. Nanny and I had lived in the barn for many years now and it was fine. Don Fausto allowed us to use the barn while he sent me to school. I was his scholar, and I was thankful because of that. Sometimes, he acted weird, but it was fine for me.

I was walking into the barn when I bumped a stranger. My forehead creased and looked at him directly. He wasn't familiar to me. He gave me a confused look while scanning me from head to foot.

"What's with that look?" I asked. I didn't feel anything for him. I wasn't afraid either.

His smile caught me off guard. Right then and there, I admit that he was handsome. He had a pointed nose with a white complexion. Slim but not too thin. He actually looked like a Korean actor.

"What are you saying?" he asked and looked at me intently while I was looking at him too. "You look gross. But you're still cute," he added. He even patted my head and walked away from me.

I was in total shock, thinking about what he did. I was at a loss for words. When I got back my senses, I pretended to punch him as he walked away. I didn't know who he was, but he stunned me for a moment. My heart was beating fast. I couldn't explain anything because it was new to me.

I let out a heavy sigh and shrugged my thoughts away. I continued my pace and entered our house. I changed and fixed myself before I went back to the mansion. I wanted to help Nanny fix the table for dinner later.

"Nanny? Is Don Fausto's child already here?" I asked curiously. I was helping her put plates on the table.

Nanny Belen nodded and continued her work. I pouted my lips. Nanny was always quiet about the issues. She didn't want to mingle in other people’s business.

At exactly six in the evening, Don Fausto arrived at the mansion. As usual, he looked tired. Nanny Belen and I were at the side of the door to greet him. Don Fausto scanned the place and when he looked at me, I was sure I saw a flicker of emotion. He then smiled at me, which made me uneasy. He looked creepy.

"Is my son already here, Belen?" he asked and continued walking inside the house. He stopped midway and looked at me. "Sofia, how was school?" he added.

"F-Fine Sir," I replied.

"Good," he commented and continued walking.

I felt odd. I was nervous as fuck. My heart was beating fast too, and I felt scared for no reason. Don Fausto acted strange when it was all about me.

I shook my head and shrugged the thoughts off. Maybe it was nothing to him. Maybe he cared for me so much that it bothered me.

I looked at Don Fausto again. He stopped and made my forehead crease. I looked up at the staircase and realized why.

The sound of the footsteps was clear. The image of the man was also clear, which shocked me the most.

How could I be so dumb not to realize it sooner?

"Why are you looking at Don Fausto's son like that?"

I shook my head and didn't answer Nanny Belen. I was just looking at Don Fausto's son and it made me feel odd. It made me feel uneasy. He irritated my sight.

(End of Flashback)