Slay Four: Rising

Five months before the end of Revenge, Slay Three: Celia:

Edward wrapped his arms around me from behind, complicating my attempt to tie the belt of my robe.

“For someone who’s spent the better part of a week on a pleasure island, you’re awfully handsy.” I tilted my neck, encouraging him to nuzzle in.

He nibbled along the skin I’d exposed. “A week with sex happening all around me while I slept alone in my cabin. You better believe I came home greedy.”

“Hurry up with your shower then so you can have your way with me.”

“You sure you won’t join me?” He was already undressed except for his boxer briefs, and the heat of his skin at my back as well as the hardness of his body made my belly curl low with desire.

But there was a buzz in my head, and I needed a few minutes to sort my thoughts before abandoning them entirely to wanton ways. “If I join you, you’ll never get clean,” I said, nudging him to the task with the promise of what would come after.

“That’s very likely true, bird.” He turned me into him and kissed me deeply, making his own promises before pulling away abruptly. “I’ll hurry.”

“I’ll be here.”

I wandered over to the sink to begin my nighttime routine of makeup removal and moisturizing, eyeing my husband in the mirror as he stripped from his underwear and stepped into the glass walk-in shower. He was magnificent to look at, and I admired the view with full attention until the whir of my thoughts grew too distracting, and I gave myself into them instead.

Edward had said he’d come home greedy. Considering how highly he prized honesty, it was almost strange to hear the lie cased in the statement. Not that it was a bold-faced falsehood, and not that I didn’t understand his reasons. It was for me. He was romanticizing the trip on my account. He didn’t want me to have to think too hard about why he’d really been there, about the perversions he’d had to interact with. Didn’t want me to think about my uncle Ron and the sick things men like him were into.

Grateful as I was for Edward’s desire to protect me, the shield only worked on the surface. It allowed me not to have to talk about it. I could avoid the questions that pressed like a heated iron at the edges of my mind, wanting to straighten the wrinkles of my imagination that were surely as terrible as the truth.

But not talking about it meant the acrid thoughts remained inside me, seeds of poison ivy that would grow if given the right soil.

Old habits dying hard, my instinct was to make that ground infertile, to close off. To become numb. I’d been working through the things my uncle had done to me, but as much as I trimmed and hacked at the memories, I could never cut them away completely. The pips remained inside me, sprouting unexpectedly in the sun, and the urge to withdraw would shiver through me.

It was a funny thing, the fight or flight response. Most people who knew me would probably say hands down that I was a fighter in every instance. I would have said the same before Edward. It was ironic that he showed me the error in that presumption considering how often he drew me to fight with him. I certainly did deal with many threats with a bulled head and sharp tongue.

The truth, though, was that when the threat was severe, when it brought on intense levels of emotional pain, I didn’t fight at all. I flew. Like the bird that he’d always seen me to be, I abandoned feeling and took flight to a sky of gray and numb. It had been a practiced skill, one I hadn’t been very good at on my own. I could still clearly remember the day I’d begged my friend to be my mentor, when the baby boy inside me had decided to make a much too early appearance to the world. I’d been nearly twenty weeks along, one day later and his death would have been called a stillbirth instead of a miscarriage. Whatever the appropriate term, the result had been the same—my womb had once been full of life and with that life gone, it was full of pain.

“Teach me, Hudson,” I’d said when I’d woken from sorrowful dreaming to find him at my hospital bedside. Even the burn of the IV at the back of my hand was intolerable, and his games—experiments, as he called them—beckoned to me like the whispered praise of a magic healing elixir. “Experiment with me.”

“What? Why would you want me to…? I’m not experimenting on people I know anymore.”

“Not on me,” I’d corrected. “With me. I want to learn how you do it. Teach me.”

“No. That’s absurd.”

“Please.” It wasn’t just in the wording that I begged. My entire body leaned forward in supplication, as though he were my messiah. The only one who could release me from my heartache.

“No.” But his features had furrowed as if he was thinking about it. “Why?”

“Because I want to be like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like someone who doesn’t feel.”

He’d had mercy on me then, and he’d taught me. He’d taught me so well that not feeling had become second nature. And even after Edward had tethered me with an invisible collar, forcing me to stay grounded when the pain grew too great, the impulse still niggled inside me, and I had to take deep breaths and center myself so that I wouldn’t thrash against my leash, longing for the gray, numb sky.

Tonight, the urge was especially strong, a driving beat pulsing in my blood, increasing in volume as if to drown out the myriad of memories accompanied with Ron’s grooming. The swing, the baths, the first orgasms. The attention from strangers, their eyes, their hands, their mouths. The look of disgust and disbelief when I tried to tell my father. My wings fluttered. The wind called.

Deep breath in.

Deep breath out.

Feel the feeling, find the anchor, stay on the ground.

I dropped the dirty wet wipe and my hands went instinctively to my belly, ensuring my breaths were full and from my diaphragm. The pain washed in like the tide overtaking a dry stretch of land, but then it slowly began to pull out again, and a newly familiar desire was left on the shore. The desire to replace emotion with emotion. To relieve the fullness of anguish with the fullness of joy.

I wanted a baby.

And Edward would allow it, but only on his terms, terms that I was unable to concede to. He believed too deeply that unburdening my sorrow required balancing karma. I supposed I did too, in a way, we just had different ideas of how to go about that balancing. He wanted to make the people who’d hurt me in the past suffer for their sins. I wanted to look forward and replace the pains of the past with happiness in the future.

We’d fight about it again, he’d promised me that. After Ron was taken care of, which would happen soon if all went right. But Edward fought dirty. He fought dirty, and he always won, so this time I promised myself to fight just as dirty in return. I thought of it as an act of love, really. He needed the challenge from me, and I wanted to be able to deliver.

So when he got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around himself, I set the trap. “You have the nurse practitioner on the schedule to come by Tuesday for my birth control, but I have a meeting with a vendor at the same time that can’t be changed.”

Edward had been arranging my shots for me since I’d been living on Amelie, when I’d been his prisoner. He took care of me in many ways now as he did then, because he liked it and because I liked it, so I didn’t automatically believe that he continued this particular arrangement because he didn’t trust me.

I was about to find out for sure.

“No problem. I’ll have Charlotte get it rescheduled.”

“Thank you.” I waited a beat then turned toward him. “On second thought, could Charlotte make me an appointment for a full gynecological exam in the office instead? I’m due for a pap smear and all of that. The doctor can renew my birth control at the same time.”

He raised an eyebrow, and for half a second, I thought he suspected. “I didn’t realize the time had flown so quickly. Of course you’re due for your yearly. I’ll get that scheduled immediately. Sorry I hadn’t thought of it myself.”

I turned back to the mirror and smiled at his reflection behind me. “You would have,” I assured him. “Don’t beat yourself up. Let me have the rare victory of thinking of it before you.”

Again he wrapped himself around me, the scent of his body wash making me weak in the knees. “Yes. Have your victory. I do know how you need those wins.”

I appreciated that he could laugh at himself, and I chuckled with him, but the humor I felt was for an entirely different win. Because, while I had every intention of going to that doctor’s visit, I knew that changing the scope of the visit would make it much easier to hide the fact that I had no intention of getting that shot.

I’d have my baby just as Edward had had his revenge. It would be on my terms. No obstacle too great to overcome, even if the obstacle was my husband. I knew that once I was pregnant, he’d come around. The same way he’d ruined me, I’d ruin him and we’d both be better for it.

This time when I met his eyes in the mirror, the urge to fly felt different, as though my wings were unfurling and readying to fly toward something, not away. The sky above me wasn’t gray or numb—it was sunlit and cloud-free. I was no longer Edward’s little bird. I was a phoenix, and I was rising.

Edward:

A suit-clad arm shot out to hold the lift doors open as I approached.

“Thank you,” I said in earnest as I slid inside the crowded car, the words out of my mouth before I had time to assess who the saintly gentleman had been. “Ah, Pierce. Edward Fasbender. It’s a pleasure to finally have a real meeting.”

I held out my hand to Hudson Pierce, the CEO of Pierce Industries. We’d seen each other in passing before, maybe even shaken hands once or twice, but we’d never really spoken. We had plenty to speak about, though, which was why I’d made the four o’clock appointment with him.

Subtly, I glanced at my wristwatch. Was I running early?

Three forty-seven. Perhaps he was just returning from lunch.

Hudson smiled as he took my hand, an expression that didn’t reach his eyes. Not because he was cold, necessarily, but because he was guarded. The way men in his position had to be in order to survive the dog-eat-dog environment they existed in. I imagined my own expression was as severe as his.

“Yes, I’m glad for this opportunity as well,” he said. “I must admit, though, if I’d known it were you I was holding the elevator for, I might have let the doors close. By the time you arrived upstairs I would have been safely in my office, and you would have had no idea how late I was running this afternoon.”

Stoic but had the ability to laugh at himself. I appreciated that in a rival, if that’s what he was to be. Hopefully, I’d know by the time I left his office later this afternoon.

“I’ll make a stop at the little boy’s room, if you’d like. Pretend I never saw you.”

“Ah, but that would never do. You and I would both know the truth. I have to accept that my first impression has already been made. Excuse me for a moment.” He pulled out his mobile and hit a contact that must be called frequently since it was at the top of the list. “Patricia, it’s me. I’m headed up now. Edward Fasbender is with me. Would you make sure the coffee is fresh and…” He looked to me, an eyebrow lifted in question. “That there’s water for tea?”

I shook my head. “Coffee’s fine.”

“Nevermind the tea. See you shortly.”

The doors opened and half the people in the car emptied out before they shut again.

“It hasn’t been a bad impression,” I said when Hudson had pocketed his mobile again, moving to occupy the space that had opened up. “You did hold the door to the lift for a stranger.”

“I’m surprised I had enough sense about me for even that.” Hudson’s features relaxed, and now I glimpsed the man underneath the mask. There were shadows under his eyes, his lids appeared heavy. “Twins,” he said in explanation. “I went home for lunch, hoping to sneak in a nap. They’re only a month old, and I haven’t timed it for sure, but I don’t think a full hour passes that they both stay asleep. It’s why I sent my brother in my place to your gala on Friday. I would have been a zombie if I’d gone myself.”

Being a parent with a newborn brought an exhaustion like no other. I’d been spared much with Hagan and Genevieve. Because I’d been the type of asshole father who left the upbringing to my wife and the children’s nurse. Marion’s insistence on separate rooms only helped feed into my detached style of parenting—I didn’t have to be disturbed by the sound of a baby’s cries over a monitor.

Still, I hadn’t been immune to the fatigue. It had spread through the household like a contagion. I remembered it vividly, lethargy setting into my body at the thought like muscle memory.

“You didn’t miss anything at the gala.” The charity auction had been merely a diversion for Celia, something to keep her mind off the press about her uncle’s arrest as well as something that would show her name in a good light. “I did see Chandler at a distance. I didn’t get a chance to speak with him directly, but my daughter connected with him. I suspect it was more of a social conversation than anything pertinent.”

“Knowing my brother, I’d suspect that as well.”

I wasn’t sure how I felt about Genevieve hitting it off with a Pierce, but at least it was something to keep her preoccupied. Hagan had pressured me to bring her to the States as we aggressively pursued Werner, and though I’d conceded, it had been reluctantly. Perhaps she’d be focused on this boy now instead of trying to involve herself in what would likely eventually become cutthroat business.

“As for the lack of sleep, I can only imagine what that must be like,” I offered in sincere sympathy. “Congratulations and consolation. My wife is pregnant, and I’ve been dreading the coming exhaustion since she told me of her condition. I’m much relieved at the moment that we only have a single baby on the way. I don’t think I have the stamina for more.”

“You find it when you need it. Even if it has you running late to the office on a Wednesday.” His back straightened and the weariness disappeared from his features, tucked behind his mask of professionalism once again. “Please accept my congratulations to you as well. I’d only just heard that Celia was expecting.”

I surmised what that news must have meant to Hudson. He’d claimed to be the father the first time she’d conceived, hiding that it had actually been his father who’d knocked up my wife. He’d likely been relieved when she’d lost the baby since it had alleviated him of his duty, but if he was a decent man—as I supposed he was—he’d probably felt guilty for feeling that way when the loss had hurt Celia so terribly.

The news that she was now pregnant must have lessened that guilt if not eliminated it all together.

It would have been better for negotiation if he still carried that shame, but there was nothing I could do about that. “Yes, she’s four months along now.”

“She must be thrilled.”

“We both are,” I lied. Because that’s what people were supposed to say in these situations. It was uncouth to grumble about the coming of a baby. And it showed weakness to allow anyone to believe I wasn’t on board with it. Men with power such as I had didn’t have unwanted children. They got rid of them, or they got rid of the women who conceived them.

Truthfully, I didn’t want to get rid of either.

Celia was mine for all of eternity, despite the contention that wound around us concerning her pregnancy.

And it wasn’t her baby that was unwanted, really. It was all the rest of it. The trickery. The deceit. The secrets she refused to share. The clipped conversations between us. The sliver of cold space that separated our bodies every night in our bed at the Park Hyatt.

The discord in my marriage leaked into every aspect of my being. I’d become meaner over the weeks. Brutal. Defiant. She argued to go home to London as soon as the charity was over. I insisted we stay in the States. She refused to give me what I needed to continue seeking vengeance for the past. I refused to drop the pursuit. She wanted to let control of her father’s company go to whomever Hudson Pierce chose to lead it. I wanted to be the one he chose.

She’d got to have her baby. I should get to have what I desired as well. I was determined that I would.

Another stop of the lift and when the doors shut this time, it was only me and Hudson in the car. Fueled by thoughts of Celia, by the dissension coursing through my veins, I turned to my would-be nemesis. “I’m not going to waste either of our time here, Hudson. You know from my emails what I’m after. It should be an obvious choice to put the company in my hands.”

He opened his mouth and then closed it, and I could practically see the gears spinning in his head, trying to decide what excuse to give me, perhaps. Trying to guess what I knew about his possession of the majority stocks.

He was aware that I knew he owned them and that Warren Werner was in the dark. I’d made that clear in my correspondence so far. I hadn’t yet admitted that I knew why he owned them. I was curious whether or not he’d bring it up himself. Throwing accusations at a man’s wife took guts, but it was also a dirty move. If he chose to expose my wife’s manipulative past, I might be impressed. I’d be equally impressed if he continued to step around it. Whichever choice he made would tell me a lot about the man. Would tell me what I was up against. Would help me prepare my own weapons.

“I have great respect for Warren and the company he ran,” Hudson said finally, all traces of informality gone from his tone. He was pure businessman now. Focused and sharp. “It would be quite desirable to see Werner Media continue in that direction, and I understand the attraction of keeping it in the hands of family. I am not, however, yet convinced that your motives are as noble.”

Impressive. Without mentioning Celia at all, he’d managed to hint at her possible intentions while throwing the accusations at me instead. He was smooth, that was certain.

“Then I need to do a better job of persuading you of my business plan.” The business plan wasn’t the problem. In our previous communications, I’d given him a five-year and ten-year prospective. He’d returned with a number of aims he wanted to see added. Some of them had been ridiculous asks, but I’d implemented them all. It was a solid plan.

What Hudson needed would have to be given off-page. Behind closed doors. Just between the two of us.

The lift opened, and I followed him across the hallway to a waiting area with frosted glass walls. He paused to greet the woman behind the desk.

“Coffee’s still brewing,” she said. “I’ll bring it in shortly.”

“Thank you, Patricia.” He turned back to me, gesturing for me to follow as he opened the solid wood doors revealing a luxurious office space behind. “It’s not what you intend to do with Werner Media that I’m concerned with,” he said over his shoulder. “It’s how that will affect Pierce Industries.”

Rather than lead me to the comfy seating area, he sat in the oversized chair behind a magnificent wooden desk, staking a clear position as king. He held all the power here, and he wanted to be certain I knew it.

It made my insides seethe with envy. I rarely encountered a situation where I wasn’t the one sitting on the throne. Even if he gave me the reins to Werner, we still wouldn’t be on equal footing. He’d still have the majority shares.

But I’d get those too. One day. Somehow. I had patience.

For now, I’d have to accept the inferior role. I sat in the chair facing him. “I can assure you, Accelecom has no interest in taking any predatory action against your company. I’ve conceded to every one of your conditions, Hudson. Our position should be quite obvious.”

He eyed a messy pile of papers on his desk and his brow creased, as if he were annoyed that any of his belongings would fall out of complete order. He straightened them, his gaze quickly scanning the room lingering on a spot behind me.

I followed his line of vision to land on an ordinary coat cupboard. When I turned back to him, his attention was focused on me, whatever had distracted him apparently gone from his mind.

I took that as a cue to press on. “What more can we do to prove good faith?”

He steepled his hands together, leaning back in his chair, and considered.

My jaw twitched, and I realized it was time to make a choice. I could sit here and listen to a list of unfounded demands, or I could cut to the chase.

“Let me be candid,” I said, leaning forward. “I’m well aware of how the Werner shares ended up in your hands. Celia told me.”

His eyes widened ever so slightly. “She told you everything?”

“She did.” On the subject of Hudson Pierce, at least, she’d been forthright.

But there was someone else from her past that she’d kept secret, a mysterious man she’d referred to as A in her diaries. A man who had used her to play devious games on the innocent simply for entertainment. A man who had taught her to be manipulative and cold and unfeeling.

He wasn’t convinced. “I’m curious what exactly she said.”

He was being cautious, but I could understand if there was a bit of curiosity as well. I also was curious about his relationship with my wife. I would love to hear his version of events. Whether or not he’d justify the way he’d led her on before sleeping with her friend. If he’d take full blame for her running to his father’s bed or if he’d pass that blame to her. I especially wondered how he’d discovered about the games she played, and wondered what specific reasons he had for thinking he needed insurance to keep her from coming after him and his family.

Honestly, I wouldn’t have been surprised to find that his side of the story painted Celia in a much harsher light. I knew what kind of woman she’d been. I knew what kind of woman she still could be if not nurtured and cared for.

Guilt stabbed between my ribs. I hadn’t done a good job of caring for her lately. There had been too much hostility between us, and the will to nurture her had been eaten in the flames of that fire.

I’d shirked some of my duties, it was true. But I was here because of her. For her. I focused on that, stepping carefully as I spoke of her past misdeeds. “She’s told me about the ways she’s preyed on innocent people around her. It’s clear that she attempted to play you as well, and that you required leverage to protect yourself. It might not mean anything coming from me, but I can assure you that she isn’t the same person she was when you had to make that move, and I’m certainly not a man who would allow his wife to behave like that in the future.”

He scrutinized me with narrow eyes, his expression calculating the risk of trusting me. “You’re sure that she isn’t currently playing you?”

She had played me in the end, hadn’t she? Though forcing a baby on me should hardly count. It was par for the way we negotiated with each other. The games between us would likely be deemed as sick to anyone on the outside.

None of that was relevant to the conversation. “I’m certain that any way she is playing me has been welcomed and deserved. Point being, she has no interest in playing you.”

“But you see how I can’t take that on blind faith. You could be in on the game along with her. Or you could be a man blinded by a pretty woman. The Celia I knew would never stand for a man ‘allowing’ her to do anything. It’s suspicious that you believe you have such complete control of a woman I’ve always thought of as a dragon.”

“Dragon?” I let out a gruff laugh. She’d tried to convince me of the same and failed. “Hardly. She’s a little bird. Menacing only if you’re an unearthed worm.”

I sobered. “However, I do understand your plight. Which, I believe, gives you even more reason to want me in the lead position at Werner. You lose your power over her as soon as Warren steps down. If I were to replace him, your thumb would be on her once again.”

He nodded an acknowledgment. “Or the two of you have figured out a way to ruin me from the inside out. I have a lot of money wrapped up in Werner. It behooves me to see it do well.”

“Please. Even if I ran Werner into the ground, it wouldn’t ruin you. Pierce Industries is as solid as they come.”

“Unless you discover a way to bring both companies down.”

It wasn’t on my agenda, but if it were necessary, I would do just that. It was possible he might see that in my eyes, which I wasn’t sure was a bad thing. If he thought I was against him, he had even more reason to keep me in his sights. Keep your enemies closer and all that.

I let silence be my response, allowing it to fully settle before I spoke again. “There’s no way anything I can say will persuade you one way or another. All I can do is offer you a solid business plan and give you my assurance that I want to see Werner succeed, and that I am fully convinced that with the power of Accelecom behind it, I can take Werner to levels you’ve never even imagined.”

It took a beat, but eventually he smiled. “I do like that sort of certainty in my CEOs,” he admitted. “But I’m going to need more time to make a decision. You’re not the only candidate I’m looking at.”

I refused to let any disappointment show on my face. It was standard phrasing. It didn’t mean that I hadn’t gained any ground. It didn’t mean I didn’t have him exactly where I wanted him.

He confirmed my confidence a second later. “You do currently have a nice lead, however. So let’s discuss next level. The prospects you’ve shown me are ambitious compared to the ones I’ve had drawn up myself. I’d like to look closer at the discrepancies.”

“You can only reach as high as you dream,” I said smugly. “I’d be happy to justify the differences. It would please me to show you where your team has been small-minded.”

“I would find that quite interesting. Do you mind?” He stood, signaling me to stand as well. “My chief financial advisor can show you the projections she’s put together. Her office is just down the hall. Let me walk you over.”

I followed behind him like the moon in the shadow of the sun. On the surface, he may have appeared to have the superior position. But the sun only ruled the day. Everyone knew when the night dawned, the throne belonged to the moon.