To Live is To Fight

I straightened out the blue graduation dress and fixed the slightly out of place cap. Looking around for any familiar faces, I fidgeted with the rope that dangled off my graduation hat, trying to shake the nerves out of my system.

‘Bravo, Case. You’re able to street fight like you’re cycling but you can’t even walk with your back straight and a confident look on your face in these heels,’ my conscience chided me.

I sighed, my brain’s right, this is stupid. Get a grip, Case.

It was like ever since I left that hospital, everything in my life fell apart and everything that I’ve planned perfectly was shredded. I was no longer the same Cassandra. After everything that has happened, from being the small little girl who was lost in this world to that girl who fought through life, I have been reduced to simply being that girl who’s trying to survive.

My mind decided to wander off to the previous night where I had the out-of-schedule phone call with Preston.

“What happened? Is he alright?” I asked without greetings, as usual. Preston’s voice was terse and I heard the tension in it, different from his usual calm tone whenever we have this weekly call.

“It’s bad, Case. We don’t know where he is anymore. At first, Cali realized that he’s never in his room after a week of being discharged. So, I was on night watch to see for myself, and she’s right, he’s been sneaking out almost every night lately and now, he has run away from home.”

I sucked in a breath, sitting on the edge of my bed with my elbows resting on my knees. This wasn’t part of the plan.

“I plan to find him and I will. Don’t worry about it, he’s going to be alright,” Preston’s voice was heavy with worry and I could hear how tired he was.

“Thanks for keeping me updated, Pres. I owe you,” I sighed, my shoulders sagging even further.

“You owe me nothing, Case. You did the right thing. My brother’s going to be alright, don’t worry,” with that, he ended the call and I threw myself onto the bed.

“Did I really?” I asked into the empty room.

I made this decision thinking that he’ll go back to his daily routine before he met me. I cut all ties to keep him away from all the danger that seems to haunt me. I knew it wasn’t fair on him because I did it without consulting him but it was for the best.

I would be putting everyone in danger if I had stayed around.

The family moved to the other side of the town that was an hour away from where I was and they transferred Adam to another school so I didn’t have to see him every day and dodge him in the halls every minute.

Of course I visit once a month to meet up with the kids, Jerry and Preston but I made sure that Adam was staying over at someone’s house every time I did. It was for the best.

‘Is it, really?’ my conscience bit. My will to stay away was slowly crumbling.

I kept chanting that this was for the best; that it was for his safety; just to convince myself and hang on to that thread that’s keeping me from reaching out towards him but doubt was catching up to me.

Nothing makes sense anymore. What is wrong with me? He’s just a guy; just a guy.

‘A guy that you love,’ my conscience reminded and I grabbed onto a pillow to stuff my face against and muffle my groan. Dammit.

I’ll just visit. Straight after the graduation, I’ll get Preston to convince him to have a guy’s night with his friends and I’ll meet up with the kids and spend some time with them. Maybe if I reminded myself of who I was trying to protect by keeping my distance, my will would solidify again.

So here I was, waiting for my turn to be called onto the stage, receive that diploma and get the hell out of this town to gain that new start with new faces and the lack of dramas a college provides.

No Adam.

I sighed at my own thoughts; fucking conscience.

The line moved and soon, students were finally being called up the stage. I wiped my clammy hands on the graduation dress that covered the dress that Mom bought for me.

My parents had postponed their business trip and moved the date of their departure to this afternoon after the graduation ceremony. It was sweet because I knew they were constantly worried about the business.

I climbed up the stairs slowly, trying not to step on my own dress with these killer heels and trip before breaking my neck. I took a short glimpse of the crowd and saw both of my parents beaming at me, with my mom holding her phone to record the whole thing.

I blushed, thinking about how ridiculous I must look with this hairdo and makeup on. This isn’t me but it was just for a few moments; I’ll live.

Walking further onto the stage, the sound my heels made as they clicked against the hard surface had me wincing slightly. Soon enough, I was face to face with the principal himself, who smiled warmly at me, congratulated me and handed me the certificate while moving the rope hanging off my graduation hat to the right.

Immediately, I could feel a slight burden being lifted from my shoulders.

I did it. I survived high school.

We turned and faced the cameraman that took our picture and for a second, something else caught my attention.

A man in a familiar hoodie, both hands stuffed into his pocket was standing on the far end of the hall. What caught my attention were the piercing green eyes that looked straight at me.

Speaking of the devil.

I felt my face lose its color but the cameraman’s flailing hand made me avert my glance to smile at the camera and when I looked back, the hooded man was gone.

What just happened?

I walked slowly down the stairs that was on the other side of the stage, still trying to think about what just happened.

It couldn’t be him. It mustn’t be him. That’s impossible.

When I got to my parents, they hugged me and gushed about how proud they are with both of their eyes in a glassy state. I offered them smiles, thanking them half-heartedly.

Don’t get me wrong, I was beyond delighted but I couldn’t shake off the miffed feeling from seeing him after months.

Was it just a hallucination? It seemed so real.

I have to make sure. He isn’t supposed to recognize me but something in his eyes indicated a sense of recognition. It was like he was analyzing every feature on my face. Strangers don’t do that.

I was supposed to be a stranger to him but something tells me that he’s seen me before. He didn’t look at me like he did in the hospital when I said my final silent goodbye.

What threw me off was the sharp look in his eyes while he stared. He was looking at me like an opponent would in a fight; a translucent hatred. It was barely there but I saw it and that terrified me.

“Mom, can I borrow your phone for a bit?”

She looked puzzled but fished out her phone and handed it over to me. I dialed Preston’s number and called him while tapping my feet impatiently as the line connects before a raspy male voice answered from the other end.

“He was here,” I said without further greetings or explanations, I could hear some rustling before a sharp ‘what’ was emitted from the other end.

“He was here, in my graduation ceremony. He was in his hoodie,” I said slowly as if I was explaining a very complicated mathematics formula to a child.

“Are you sure you didn’t mistake someone else as him?” An incoherent frustrated sound came out from the back of my throat.

“I’m positive. Is he home?” I asked, trying to confirm my suspicions.

“No, he said he was going to the supermarket,” I could imagine Preston’s deep frown before hearing him curse.

“He was gone a few hours ago, wasn’t he?” I questioned, dread etched into my tone.

I heard more rustling and more curses being spat.

“Did you find out who he was with or where he went when he decided to run away from home?” I questioned, trying not to rub my face and smudge the makeup.

“No, I haven’t figured that out yet but I will.” Though he sounded worn out, you could still hear the tinge of the determination behind his words.

In the background, I heard faint sounds of children screaming in joy and I felt my spirits being lifted up a little.

“Are those the kids?” I asked excitedly and my parents looked at me with small smiles while Preston chuckled deeply, calling Pio and Cali into his room.

I could hear the phone being handed over and right after that, two voices yelled my name into the phone. I giggled lightly.

“Hey, kiddos.” They instantly bombarded me with all kinds of questions and I told them that I just finished my graduation ceremony.

“Case, when are you going to visit again?” Pio’s question got me smiling.

“Hand the phone back to your brother and I’ll be there as soon as I can, little dude,” I told him and heard the kids squeal before Preston’s chuckle filled the line.

“My brother told me that he’ll be spending the night at a friend’s house so it’s safe for you to stop by this evening and have dinner with us.”

I smiled, “Perfect, I’ll be there at 5.”

We said our goodbyes and I ended the call, giving the phone back to my mom who quirked an eyebrow.

“I’m going for my monthly visit this evening after I send you off to the airport,” I explained to her and she smiled while my dad just hugged me while walking us to the door.

“Let’s get you home then,” he declared. I was happy but the smile on my face couldn’t have been harder to keep on with the face of a certain man filling my thoughts.

Whatever is going on, it can’t be good.

“Call me when you get there,” I hugged my mom tightly. It’s been less than a week and they’re off to another trip. I let her go and smiled, moving to embrace my dad next.

“Take care of yourself, Princess. We’re proud of you,” he whispered, kissing my temple. I smiled when I heard his words, squeezing him even tighter and trying not to lose my balance while standing on my tip toes.

I kissed his cheek before I let go and watch them turn to walk into the airport. They turned to look at me for a final time and waved.

When they disappeared behind the glass doors of the airport, I got back to the car, closing the trunk on my way to the driver’s seat.

I’ve got a long drive ahead.

An hour of continuous humming and singing, my throat felt parched and I pulled up into a convenient store to get myself something to drink.

Locking the car, I jogged into the store under the light drizzle that had started to pour not too long ago and immediately went to the back of the store where the fridge doors fogged.

I opened the fridge that held mineral bottles, took a couple before walking to the counter to pay for them and grabbing a pack of oreos after a second thought.

‘Whistle’ by Flo-Rida was on and I started humming lowly to it. I set the things on the counter and waited for the man behind the counter to check them out.

My hums were cut short by a female news reporter that appeared in the TV.

“Breaking News; fifteen minutes earlier, a woman that was walking pass the town square reported hearing gunshots being fired. Policemen were forced to get involved and we found what seemed to be a war against two gangs.” A security footage and a low-quality audio was played and the sound of gunshots rang from the TV.

I watched the screen with nothing particular in mind until I finally saw something that irked me; a guy with an eerily familiar mob of brown hair and a distinct scar, highlighted by the lamp post nearby, on the guy that he was aiming for. Unless my eyes are starting to deceive me, I’m 90% sure that what is being broadcasted in the news is Adam and scar-face shooting at each other.

The camera zoomed in on the two and I felt bile rise in my throat and I forced it down before I vomit in public.

“Miss? Are you alright?” My attention snapped to the man behind the counter. I swallowed tightly, trying to mask my unease and went for a tight-lipped smile. It wasn’t the best smile that I could have done but it was the best that I was able to manage at that moment.

I paid for the things and rushed to my car in a hurriedly. I didn’t even realize I was closing the car door with too much force until it banged against the side of the car.

Even then, I couldn’t shake off the tremor in my hands as I remembered Dom’s words that night.

“Bryant and I joined a gang,” He must mean Quentin’s Even though I was concern with why they would ever join that douche’s squad or gang or whatever they call it, I was more interested in why they would join a gang to begin with? Bryant wouldn’t have done anything that would endanger me so why?

All I could gather from our conversation was that they did it to protect me. But from what? I let my head fall on the steering wheel and continued to let my mind wander for a while in silence.

If only I could ask someone; anyone. The questions were slowly killing me inside and the need to know and understand the situation grew as the seconds ticked by.

After a few minutes later, I finally forced myself to snap out of it and continued to drive. Another hour passed before I finally pulled up into the Jones residence.

They’ve finally managed to pull it together and stabilize their financial state again a few months after Adam’s accident.

I was happy for them and the kids were holding up alright. Speaking of...

“Casey!” I grinned at them as they jumped into my arms and knocked me backwards, forcing a puff of air out of my lungs as I steadied us to make sure no one will end up in the mud.

All thoughts about the gang fight i saw in the news went away once I saw them.

“Hey kiddos, have you been good to your dad and brothers?” I ruffled both of their hairs and Cali grinned at me while little Pio grew a slight frown at the gesture and started fixing his hair before finally smiling at me.

“Case! Glad you could make it. Come in. I was a bit worried since I heard there was a storm coming,” Jerry greeted and I smiled at him, scooping both of the kids into my arms and getting them inside, following their father into the kitchen.

We strolled into the house and found Preston rummaging the fridge for something. He didn’t seem to have heard us so I decided to put the kids down to their feet and crept up behind him.

“Boo!” I whispered into his ear and his whole body jolted, bumping his head onto the fridge’s roof and causing the contents inside to make clinking sounds of bottles hitting each other.

The kids laughed loudly but Preston didn’t look as pleased as they do.

“You just had to,” He stated, glaring at me while I smiled innocently and pushed him out of the way to right the fallen bottles. Luckily, nothing spilled.

I took my head out of the fridge and turned to face Jerry who had a silent amused smile plastered on his face.

“What?” I asked him, knowing perfectly that his smile was pointed at my childishness.

He shook his head and gestured to the dining table that was already prepared and full with food, “shall we?”

I beamed at him, trying to suppress the growls made by my stomach to a minimum.

“Definitely.”

The next hour was filled with delicious smells of different food and lots of catching up.

“Congratulations on finishing high school, Case,” Jerry shot me a brief smile in-between chewing his food across the table and I looked up from helping Pio spooning the little leftovers on his plate to give Jerry one of my own.

“Thank you, it’s definitely feels good to finally finish that bit of my education,” I laughed lightly.

“Casey, why are you never here when Adam is around? Don’t you miss him?” Cali asked quietly from my left side and I felt myself tense up.

“Cali...” Preston started but I shook my head at him, mouthing ‘it’s okay’.

I couldn’t face Cali when I answered her, afraid that she’ll see something in my eyes that I don’t want her to see.

“I do miss him, love. Things are just really complicated right now,” I said in a half-whisper, trying to keep the emotions at bay.

Cali nodded, apparently detecting the sadness and wistful tone in my voice was probably hard to miss. I felt guilty for not being able to tell her the truth but she was just a kid.

Just then, the door banged open and I jumped in my seat, looking around.

Jerry and Preston had a semi-frown on their faces but I could see the uneasiness in their eyes.

From the front door, a voice that I haven’t heard in a long time called out.

“Pio? Cali?” I gulped, looking at Preston who was rooted to his seat. My eyes moved to look at Jerry who was too stunned to do anything.

He wasn’t supposed to come back until tomorrow. He was supposed to be staying at a friend’s house. He wasn’t supposed to be home today.

“Dad?” The voice was much closer now and yet, none of us could move except for the kids who were looking at our faces in silent confusion.

I could tell that they wanted to greet their older brother but I knew they could probably sense the tension in the room.

“Preston?” The voice was coming from the kitchen’s door and my back was facing it. Nevertheless, I squeezed my eyes shut, in my last desperate attempt to disappear.

It’d be a good time to grant me the power of invisibility or teleportation right now, God.

Any time now...

No?

Fml.

“Who are you?” I’m pretty sure that question was directed to me and it hurts to be reminded that he knew nothing of our past together; to know that the memory of us wasn’t there anymore.

I took a deep breath before looking at Preston dead in the eye but his gaze was fixated on the man behind me. A tinge of mortification was visible in his eyes but it was enough to set my nerves on edge.

I slowly stepped out of my seat at the same time as Jerry and Preston step out of theirs. Finally gathering enough courage to face him, I turned around to meet Adam’s eyes.

Those eyes were still as green as ever and I would’ve stared into them longer than i had if his appearance wasn’t so distracting.

His clothes were torn and dirt covered them as well as his face. His weight was set on one foot as if he had injured the other but his stance indicated that he was ready to attack me if I made the wrong move.

Dirt stuck to him like a second skin but what stood out to me was the fact that he had blood dripping out of a gash on his arm.

Recognition flashed in his eyes and hope filled me that maybe, just maybe, he might remember who I am, what we were.

But that hope vanished as soon as it came as that recognition turned to hatred.

“You,” he growled out, looking like he was ready to bite my head off. His hand shot out and made a grab for my neck but my reflexes kicked in and i ducked before swiveling out of the way. The kids screamed in terror, seeing their brother try to hurt me.

“What is she doing here?!” He demanded to Jerry and when he didn’t get an answer, he turned to Preston.

“Did you invite this murderer into our house?!” He yelled. The kids looked terrified and Jerry seemed to notice it since he turned and told them to go into their rooms.

But instead of doing that, they ran towards me and hugged each of my legs. I tensed up and looked down at them. I could feel my eyes softening at the sight of the petrified looks in their eyes.

“Why are you hugging her? She murdered our mother! She’s a murderer! A killer! Is this how you treat your mother’s murderer? Hugging her and inviting her into your house for dinner?” Adam sounded furious and every word struck me like a bullet.

How he had come to all these conclusions were a mystery to me but no one, not even him, can yell at Cali and Pio like that. Insult me and accuse me of committing absurd things? Fine. But when you start scaring the little ones, be prepared to receive hell.

“Don’t talk to them like that,” I snapped at him as both children hid behind me, seeking shelter from their enraged brother.

His gaze snapped to me and those eyes that once looked at me with affection and love was looking at me with hatred and looked colder than it has ever looked before.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that; get away from my family, our house and leave us alone. Haven’t you done enough? You took our mother and what? You’re going to take my younger siblings as well?”

He turned to Jerry with an accusing glare, “And you’re going to let her do that, huh?”

He didn’t wait for an explanation, he just shook his head, looked at me one last time before taking a knife from the kitchen counter before uttering words that I never thought he would say to me.

“I should just kill you myself for causing us this pain and loss,” and with that, he charged at me, knife in hand.

I twisted my body, covering the little ones from harm’s way and yet still trying to block the knife from plunging into any of my limbs. My hands shot out to stop his hand from stabbing me but I could barely fight against the sheer force he’s applying to the knife since I was trying to protect the kids and trying not to injure him at the same time.

Not a second later, Jerry and Preston wrenched him away from me and I breathed heavily, taking the kids into my arms and running to the furthest bathroom in the house to keep them safe.

“Stay here,” I whispered to them and they nodded, Cali keeping her arms around Pio and holding him tight against her.

I moved silently towards the kitchen, wanting to straighten things out with Adam. But when I got there, both men were still trying to get a tight grip on him to prevent him from running and butchering me with the knife that was lying on the floor.

Preston saw me looking from afar and mouthed ‘go’. I nodded silently, picking up my pace and walking out the door, not wanting to make matters worse than it already is.

I breathed the fresh air and got into my car, turning on its engine and pulling out of the driveway. I stopped a block away from the house before rolling down the windows and turning off the engine. I grabbed the coat on the seat beside me and drapied it over myself.

It’s going to be a long night.